


Bad People Should Be With Other Bad People

by 221blackandwhitestripes



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Character Death In Dream, Concussions, Dreams, Episode: s04e17 Mandatory Brunch Meeting, Everyone's an Alcoholic, Everyone's an Idiot, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I Write When I'm Angry, I should stop writing at twelve o'clock in the morning, Jealousy, Kissing, Lee Ships it, Manipulation, Multi, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Reconciliation, References 4x15, Riddles, selina ships it, trapped together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-19 16:26:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14241258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221blackandwhitestripes/pseuds/221blackandwhitestripes
Summary: The real reason Lee kissed Ed.(A 4x17 Fix-it)***Now complete***





	1. Lee

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. As we all know, episode 17 has... Happened. I screamed at my family for over an hour and I'm still not okay. The title was my explanation to them of why Ed and Os should be together. But it appears that my new coping mechanism for things not going my way in this show is to write how things should've gone. I have a feeling you're here for a similar reason.
> 
> Again, I wrote all of this after 10pm and finished around 12:30, so chances are it's kinda shitty and riddled with mistakes. But will that stop me from posting at one in the morning? No sir!

Lee didn’t know when thigh-high boots and black leather jackets had become a regular occurrence in her daily wardrobe ensemble, but she finally seemed to have gotten the hang of it, donning the gear with pride. The thick heels of her boots clicked with a menacing authority that sent a thrill down her spine as she stalked down the halls, headed to her office at the back of the building.

The door was ajar, and Lee had been in the narrows long enough to know what kind of person makes locked doors open.

“Whatever you wanted, you could've just asked,” Lee greeted the mystery thief, opening the door calmly and walking inside. A curly mop of hair turned around, to reveal… “Oh. Selina.”

“Hiya, Lee,” Selina smiled smugly, swinging around fully to regard Lee with her arms crossed. “Or should I call yah _Doc_. Or Queen Doc?”

“Lee’s fine, Selina,” Lee assured her, nonplussed, not quite sure how to navigate the situation carefully. “May I ask you why you’re here?”

“Who says there’s gotta be a reason?” Selina asked, shrugging and turning away to play with a box of pens on Lee’s desk.

“Selina,” Lee eyed her sternly. She wondered briefly if Selina was still working with Penguin. It would certainly explain why she was here, probably to kidnap Lee and bring her to Penguin for going after Sophia by herself. That pretentious bird just couldn’t share.

“Fine,” Selina huffed, rolling her eyes. She didn’t speak for several moments, even after Lee nodded for her to continue.

“Is something wrong, Cat? Is Bruce in trouble?” Lee asked doubtfully.

“Probably,” Selina laughed, sounding strained as she hung her head and shuffled her feet. She was still such a _kid_ , too young to be the woman she’d made herself become, too young to look so broken when she finally met Lee’s eye.

“The thing is...” Selina trailed off with a sigh.

“Is this about Tabitha?” Lee asked, stepping forward in what she hoped was an unthreatening way.

“No. Well, _yes_ , but not in the way you think.” Selina paused, taking a breath. “They’ve gone missing.”

“Who’s they?” Lee asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Barbara and Tabby,” Selina explained, sniffing and wiping her nose. Lee immediately checked her over for any sign of fever or a cold, but all seemed well except for Selina’s slight shaky tone.

“...Okay,” Lee ventured, coming to stand in front of her properly. “Why don’t you tell me about it and I’ll see what I can do.”

Lee still didn’t like Barbara, with her snake eyes and hissing teeth, but Lee wasn’t going to let that get in the way of her helping a poor girl when she clearly needed it.

“Well, all I know is that Babs has been gettin’ migraines for weeks,” Selina began, shuffling to lean back on the desk.

“Migraines? Stomach or head?” Lee questioned.

“Head,” Selina affirmed with a nod. “She couldn’t stand noise or light or anything. And she took pills.”

“What kind of pills?” Lee asked with a frown. There were a lot of prescribed migraine preventatives one could get, pizotifen for one, but a lot of them had the potential to administer severe side effects that could easily explain Barbara’s disappearance.

“Tabby called ‘em painkillers, but she didn’t seem too sure. My guess is it’s one of the new high-street drugs on the black market. It’s usually a mix of Codeine, Morphine, Meth and whatever else they can get their hands on.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that one,” Lee said, pressing her lips together. She’d had a couple cases of an overdose at her clinic already, and she’d hoped to make a plan with Ed to get rid of it or at least find an alternative trade. But then that bitch Sophia had shown up, and The Riddler was let out, and everything had just gone to pieces.

“Anyway, I was kinda hopin’ for your help, Doc,” Selina shrugged, her lips twisting. 

“Of course. I’ll get the word ‘round as soon as possible.” Lee nodded sincerely. “I must say, I kind of expected you to be here because of Penguin.”

Selina snorted, rolling her eyes. “That bird is too busy mopin’ to make any real moves right now,” She snickered. “And they call _me_ a sour puss.”

“Moping? Why?” Lee asked, her curiosity peaking at the conspiratol glint in Selina’s eye. “Because he didn’t kill Sophia?”

“No, actually, that didn’t come up at all.” Selina tapped her lip thoughtfully. “He was just complaining ‘cause Ed left him again to start some game show in the narrows.”

“What?” Lee asked, not sure she’d heard correctly. Last time she’d seen Ed, he had been bickering with Penguin like they were an old married couple, his eyes burning brighter each time the shorter man turned to face him. It was clear what had been going on, if not to them then at least to Lee. They were both love-struck fools, happy to be united again and delighting in each other's company. It didn’t seem very likely that Ed would just abandon that to play _Jeopardy._

“I know, Pengy was _furious_ ,” Selina snickered. “He got _suuuper_ drunk and started ravin’ about unlockin’ cages and trustworthy dudes in Gotham and all the rest of it.” Selina shook her head. “My guess is he’s still in love with that beanpole and is just mad he didn’t get the chance to do him.”

“Hmm,” Lee mused, an idea forming in her head even as she turned to slide behind the desk. “You know, it _would_ be helpful to have a man like Penguin in our debt, you know.”

“Really?” Selina wrinkled her nose.

“Well, you need help with Barbara and Tabitha, and I need help in the narrows. Winter is the worst time for the people here, there are children starving on the streets. You of all people should know that.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Selina said, shrugging her shoulders. “But I’m not really sure whatcha gettin’ at.”

“My prediction is that if we get Penguin his oh-so-precious Riddler, we could get anything we _want_.”

“That’s a good plan, but how do we get it to happen? I mean, those two bozos are hardly about to get their head of their asses long enough to see the stars, let alone realize that they _love_ each other.” Selina reasoned, flicking back a strand of her curly hair.

“I propose a series of trial and error. It’d be best to just keep at it until we’ve got it right.” Lee supposed.

“M’kay. Where do you wanna start?” Selina asked.

“How about a trick that we already know has worked?” Lee proposed, a smile twitching her lips.

“What’s that then?” Selina asked, leaning back on her elbows.

“We’re going to make Penguin jealous.”

♦ ♦ ♦ 

The warehouse Lee finds him in is old and drafty, wooden beams creaking and spraying dust like a nightmare. The place is dimly lit, the only light coming from the spotlights directed at the stage. Standing in the centre in all his pretentious, green glory was The Riddler, posing like a showman before finally looking up to regard the audience. Lee remained in the shadows, hidden as best as she could be as she watched on.

“What time is it?” Ed yelled.

“Riddle time!” The audience responded excitedly.

Lee watched through the main act, analyzing the rules and the way Ed acted through the whole show. As A leather strapped girl began to lead the poor game loser away, Lee took the opportunity for what it was and stepped forward.

“Showtime,” She whispered into her earpiece, concealing it behind her hair as best she could.

 _“Yup,”_ was her only reply. It hadn’t taken Lee long to realize Selina wasn’t exactly a talker.

“Enough! That’s enough!” Lee declared, putting the full force of her authority into her voice as she spoke over the cheering crowd.

“Doc Thompkins. What brings your _majesty_ down to our rabble?” Ed asked.

Well at least Lee knew this was going to be fun.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

The thing about Ed Nygma was that he had been surprisingly easy to manipulate. The man was always craving the idea that he could do better, still hoped that he could be normal no matter how far he’d gone. All Lee had to do was let him be the man he wanted, and she’d found an automatic ally.

But _The Riddler?_ Now, he was another story. The man gathered his confidence by believing he was being his true self, letting his darker impulses and feelings take over instead of hiding them away. So, if Lee wanted to convince Riddler that he was in love with Lee, she was going to have to make him mad.

“You’re stumped,” Riddler purred, smug superiority glinting in his eyes as he smiled at Lee. Fuck, Penguin really deserved him, what a _catch_.

“Of course I am,” Le smiled, batting her eyelashes up at him. False eyelashes could do amazing things, she’d found, and Lee was glad she’d worn them now. “You’re The Riddler.”

“So you give up,” Riddler stated, not a question, like he didn’t doubt his own mind. Of course, he didn’t. Lee could almost smack him over the head for being such a big-headed fool.

“No. You’re going to give me the answer,” Lee simpered sweetly, grinning internally at the disgust on Ed’s face.

“Really, how’s that?” Ed chuckled mockingly.

“Because, deep down, you want to.” Lee grinned.

 _“Are you sure this is a good idea? You can’t help me if you’re dead,”_ Selina’s voice came crackling through the earpiece. Lee ignored her.

“Oh, so _that’s_ your plan. To appeal to the,” Riddler gestured at his body up and down, “inner Ed.”

 _“He sounded kinda gay when he said that.”_ Selina huffed, a crunching noise following her words. Was that… _popcorn?_

“Well, you played the wrong hand, Doc. Ed is gone. And I will **not** be manipulated by you the way that dope was.” Riddler growled.

“I didn’t manipulate him, I helped him,” Lee appealed innocently, looking up at the man’s looming figure with wide eyes.

“No,” Riddler growled, sparing an embarrassed glance at his captive audience. “No, you _lied_ to him. You promised to fix him, and that pathetic dust mite believed you, causing me to be locked inside of his feeble mind.”

The Riddler looked around, teeth gritted and eyes narrowed. Lee had got to him.

It was just _too_ easy.

“Okay, you have ten seconds left to find your answer!” Riddler announced, addressing the audience brightly before turning back to face her. “So prepare to lose.”

 _“I hope y’know whatcha doin’”_ Selina mumbled around whatever snack was in her mouth.

“But I know the answer now,” Le said, for Cat’s benefit as well as Ed’s. Riddler scoffed in response. “You just gave it to me.”

“What are you talking about?” Riddler asked, a degree of doubt tingeing his confident tones as he glowered.

“You’re right. I told Ed I would fix him and I didn’t. I broke my promise.” Lee stepped out from behind her podium, walking towards the Riddler with sure steps. “And that, Riddler, is the answer: A promise.”

Lee didn’t even have to wait for the answer, Riddler’s grimacing smile and disbelieving eyes were confirmation enough.

The audience cheered as Riddler raised his two thumbs.

“Well played.”

Riddler turned around, walking to stand beside Lee again.

“We’re only halfway through,” Riddler pointed out, all pretense of comic charm lost as he glared at her. “And I assure you, you will not stump me.”

 _“Wow, he sure is a dick,”_ Selina griped, crunching on something loudly.

“You can say that again,” Lee whispered, running a hand through her hair to make sure the device remained hidden.

_“So… whatcha gonna say?”_

“Oh, you know,” Lee regarded Ed’s tense form as he muttered something to his assistant. “A queen always has an Ace up her sleeve.”

♦ ♦ ♦ 

“Okay, Doc,” Riddler snapped, clapping his hands together. “You’ve had enough time to think of a riddle. I hope you’ve come up with a good one.”

“I have,” Lee confirmed. This better go well, or the whole plan was a shambles and she’d have to find another way to get to Ed.

“Then ask away.” Tense silence hung in the air, the audience eyeing Lee attentively as they waited for her to speak. Even Selina had stopped crunching in her ear, the girl quietened to an almost unnerving silence.

“What three words are said too much, meant by few, but wanted by all.”

“ _That’s_ your riddle?” Riddler laughed disbelievingly, turning to look at her. Selina stayed silent, like she knew what was coming. “You’re kidding, right?”

“What’s the answer?” Lee asked simply, knowing she wouldn’t need to wait for long.

“Easy.” Riddler declared, taking a step forward. “I lo-”

Silence cut through and Riddler cleared his throat. It was like Lee had already won.

_Men and their commitment issues. They always struggle with the words._

“The answer is: I love-” Riddler bowed his head in frustration, coughing like something was stuck in his throat. Lee half wondered if she’d find a bunch of tangled words down there if she stuck her fingers in.

“I love what, Ed?” Lee asked, victory already hers, she just needed to make it official.

 _“Damn,”_ Selina breathed, her voice hushed with awe.

“That’s not my name,” He growled, shifting as if he wanted to back down as Lee drew closer.

“Then, what’s the answer?” Lee asked.

“You tricked me. You’re trying to awaken a love that isn’t there.”

 _“Yup,”_ Selina snorted, the sound of crunching resuming as the girl went back to eating.

“If it isn’t there, then say the words,” Lee challenged.

The Riddler stared her, taking several deep breaths like he meant to speak, but his mouth remained closed after every one of them.

“I won’t say it.” And that was all that Lee had needed.

Sounds of discontent and annoyance erupted from the crowd, the boos and jeers only fueling Lee’s triumph.

“Time’s up,” Lee stated, glancing at the hourglass for confirmation.

As the crowd cheered, Lee watched the Riddler retreat. She had bested him at his own game. It was the kind of thrill she could _definitely_ get used to.

“ _Holy **shit**_ **, __** _how did you even… You gotta teach me how to do that!”_ Cat’s impressed voice sounded through the earpiece.

“Another time, maybe,” Lee whispered, stepping down from the stage to move through the crowd, accepting the back slaps and high-fives as she went. “For now, I need to find you a camera.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be continued. I might write more tomorrow. For now, I think it's best that I sleep because I have dress rehearsal tomorrow. Whoops! Good night/morning from Nz.


	2. Selina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news, I wrote the majority of this at a decent hour of one in the afternoon rather than the morning. Hooray! I hope this is okay. I will try to find time to write the next chapter tomorrow, but I'm performing a play tomorrow evening so I highly doubt. Oh well, enjoy :)

The one thing Selina Kyle could never understand was why Oswald Cobblepot had such low security. Did he just _want_ to be ambushed? Maybe he got kicks out of it, who knew? 

But it did make Cat’s job a whole lot easier.

 _“Are you in, yet?”_ Lee Thompkins’ voice skritched like nails through Cat’s earpiece, irritating as hell. Cat promptly scrunched her nose, trying to adjust the stupid thing in her ear so it wouldn’t go all crackling.

“Y’know, for a Doc, you really have no patience,” Selina quipped.

 _“Yes, yes, let’s just get this over with,”_ Lee sighed.

Looking around for any sign of sudden movements, Selina carefully reached into her jacket for her lock-pick, fingers brushing the envelope also concealed there as she withdrew her hand. The lock was easy-peasy, clicking open within a minute so she could slip inside.

Penguin’s office was big and dark, with a mahogany desk and no light coming in through the window since the curtains were drawn.

Cat padded silently to the desk, dropping the Envelope out of her jacket and onto the pile of paperwork in the middle.

“I sure hope this works,” she commented, scrutinizing the envelope doubtfully.

 _“Don’t worry, everybody knows Penguin has a jealous streak. It will work,”_ Lee assured her.

“M’kay,” Selina shrugged. “What should I do now?”

 _“Find a place to hide close-by. When he goes into his office, watch him. I need you nearby just in case,”_ Lee instructed.

“Cool.” Selina swung around the desk, walking quietly out of the room, making sure to lock the door behind her. Luckily, there was a locked closet just down the hall, and Cat opened it with her pick before slipping inside. Just in time, too, because right as she closed the door, she’d heard the loud, shuffling steps that could only be Penguin making his way down the hall.

“Yes, yes, I understand that Butch, but I-” Oswald’s voice cut off, ending with a peeved sigh. Gee, what had his knickers in a bunch? “No, No! Butch, I will not allow that Ginger haired- _No_ ,” Oswald seemed to be getting angrier by the second, his voice passing by the door as Cat held her breath.

 _“Is that him?”_ Lee asked through the earpiece.

“Yup,” Selina whispered back. Penguin’s voice grew farther away, heading towards his office.

“Okay. _Okay,_ Butch. But if he so much as breathes a word of this to anyone, I’ll-” Oswald paused, waiting for a response it seemed. “See that you do,” he snapped, the sound of the door to his office being unlocked loud enough the Cat could hear.

“I still don’t get how you managed this,” Selina began. “I mean, how did you even get Ed to… y’know?”

 _“It was kind of simple, really,”_ Lee explained. _“The secret to a good lie is telling it in a way that makes the person **want** to believe you. That way, no matter how ridiculous your lie might sound, they’ll always hope that it’s true.”_

“Yeah, but I heard a rumour that you slapped him a while back. How does a person go from that to kissing?” Selina asked.

 _“Well, for one, that was a very long time ago,”_ Lee ventured.

“Yeah?” Cat prompted.

_“Yes. It was because he killed my friend, Kristen. He deserved it.”_

“Woah,” Selina laughed nervously, backtracking a little. “That sounds kinda heavy.”

 _“Yes, well,”_ Lee cleared her throat, the noise crackling awfully inside Cat’s ear. _“He killed my friend, I convinced him he was in love with me. I suppose we can finally call it even.”_

“Um… Yeah?” Selina agreed hesitantly. 

_“Is he in his office, yet?”_ Lee asked, changing the subject.

“Think so,” Selina muttered, opening the door to the closet just a crack to peer outside.

 _“Go see what he’s doing,”_ Lee instructed.

“‘Kay,’ Selina quietly made her way down the hall, pausing behind Penguin’s door to listen. Shuffling papers and a heavy sigh confirmed that Penguin was, in fact, in there, but whether he’d noticed the envelope or not, Cat wasn’t sure.

“I think I should go in,” Selina whispered, trying her best not to be heard.

 _“What? Why?”_ Lee asked.

“Just to make sure this goes right. Besides,” Selina shrugged, “If Pengy’s gonna be angry, he prefers to have an audience to shout at.”

 _“Yes, but that won’t explain why you’re there in the first place,”_ Lee reasoned.

“I’ll just tell him about Barbara,” Selina decided. “Wish me luck.”

 _“What? No, wait until-”_ Lee stopped talking just as Selina opened the door. Penguin glared at her from beneath his eyelashes, but it was kinda hard to be scared of a man that tiny while he sat behind a desk that big.

“You know, it’s rude when you don’t knock,” Oswald griped.

“Sorry,” Selina snorted, not even pretending to care. “Whatcha doin’?”

“That is none of your concern, Cat, as I’m sure you’re aware,” Oswald sniffed disparagingly. Selina smirked, taking a seat on top of the desk, pulling her legs up with her. “Might I inquire, why you’re here, Miss Kyle?”

“Why do ya think, Pengy?” Selina asked, smirking at Oswald’s narrowed eyes. She turned her attention to his desk, pretending to notice the envelope for the first time, pointing at it. “What’s that?”

 _“Selina, you mustn’t be so obvious! If Penguin suspects where those photos came from, it could ruin everything,”_ Lee warned. Cat ignored her, keeping her eyes on Penguin.

“I honestly have no idea,” Oswald smiled at her condescendingly. “In fact, I was just about to read it, if you wouldn’t mind?”

“Nope, go ahead,” Selina nodded, not moving from the desk. With a resigned sigh, Oswald snatched a letter opener from his desk drawer, cutting through the paper envelope swiftly to tip the contents over his desk.

“Oh,” he breathed, all sarcasm and bitterness vanquished under a raining cloud of shock. He slowly swept the photographs back towards him, staring at them with wide eyes as he appeared to process their contents.

“Woah,” Selina commented, leaning forward to have a better look, although she already knew what was on them. She’d taken the photos herself, after all.

“Well, this is…” Oswald trailed off, clearing his throat. “Certainly unexpected.”

Selina blinked at the levity in his voice.

“You aren’t... Upset, or anything?” Selina prodded, sure that she was missing something.

“No,” Oswald shook his head, eyes dropping to the desk, away from the pictures. “No, I’m… I’m happy for Ed.” Oswald’s throat clicked on a swallow. “He.. he deserves to be happy. And- and I know he’s been an admirer of Doctor Thompkins for quite some time. Although I admit, I never thought it was to _this_ degree.”

“So.. you’re not mad?” Selina asked, confused.

“No,” Oswald shook his head. His shoulders were set back in a deep resignation, his eyes clouded with sadness despite the sureness of his tone. “I always knew this day would come. I just have to accept that it’s finally here.”

Selina kinda felt bad for the man, he looked defeated, shattered with grief. Maybe hadn't been such a good idea after all.

“Do want me to getcha anything?” She asked awkwardly, shifting her gaze.

“A drink would be nice,” Oswald admitted, pressing his forehead into the heel of his palm. “There’s a decanter in that cupboard that should be stocked.”

Selina walked to where he was pointing, fetching the crystal decanter carefully.

“Do you have a glass?” She asked, handing it to him.

“Don’t need one,” Penguin mumbled, already pulling off the lid before taking a swig. He continued to stare at the table, looking kinda lost for words. “What was it you wanted, again?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Cat assured him, hugging her stomach as she watched Oswald take another swig. “I should probably get goin’, anyway.”

“Okay,” Oswald nodded, swallowing down another mouthful. He nodded at the photos on his desk. “Take those with you. Please.”

Selina nodded, scooping them up before making to retreat.

“Oh, and Miss Kyle,” Penguin’s voice stopped her in her tracks. “Would you mind sending a message for me?”

“Okay,” Selina agreed hesitantly, turning back around to face him. “Who for?”

“Dr Thompkins,” Penguin replied stoutly, pursing his lips in thought. Selina gulped, her hands growing clammy around the photos. “Tell her that if she hurts Ed, I’ll kill her.”

“Will do,” Selina smiled shakily, turning to escape as quickly as possible. She sifted through the photographs as she walked down the halls; the Riddler gazing into Lee’s eyes, the two of them standing close, Lee in his arms, and, lastly, the killer; Lee and Ed intertwined, lips locked in what appeared to be a passionate kiss. 

Selina couldn’t help but be disgusted that she’d ever been a part of this.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

“So, _that_ was a massive failure,” Selina announced, flopping into one of Lee’s desk chairs back in the narrows.

“You can say that again,” Lee agreed, taking a swig from her hip flask. Selina briefly wondered when all the adults around her had turned into alcoholics. “We need to find a better plan.”

“What? No. No! I’m out,” Selina shook her head vehemently, raising her arms. “What we did was bad, Lee. I actually thought Pengy was gonna _cry_.”

“So, we didn’t get the reaction we were looking for,” Lee admitted with a tilt of her head. “But we still got a reaction.”

“Yeah, a poor man got his heart broken, that’s what kinda reaction we got,” Selina sniffed, crossing her arms. She wondered how Ivy, the old one with her gentle smiles and big puppy eyes, would’ve reacted if she’d found out about this.

“Yes, but now we at least know that he _does_ love Ed. He’s even willing to sacrifice his own happiness if it means Ed will be happy.” Lee tried.

“Look, I’m hardly Penguin’s number one fan, but even _I_ know that we made a mistake giving him those photos.” Selina told her.

“Okay, okay,” Lee nodded slowly. “But don’t you think we should at least make an effort to fix this?”

Cat looked her over for a very long time before eventually sighing, resigning herself to her fate. “What did you have in mind?”

Lee smiled. “Do you remember the news report on the celebration party when Oswald became the Mayor?”

“The one Butch crashed?” Selina guessed.

“Yes, that’s it.” Lee nodded.

“Of course I saw it. Those pictures were in magazines for _months_ , Oswald standin' over Ed like he was a frickin’ damsel in distress or somethin’.” Selina sniffed, wrinkling her nose.

“ _Exactly,_ ” Lee hummed, a smirk curling her lips as she regarded Cat. “You wouldn’t happen to still know the number of the guy who helped kidnap Bruce and Silver St Cloud?”

“Uh, yeah,” Selina ventured. “Why?”

“Call him. I’ll explain while you speak.” A small buzzing noise sounded in the room. Lee grabbed her phone. “It’s Ed.”

“Oooh, whatzit say?” Selina asked, craning her neck as she tried to view the screen.

“He wants to meet up.” Lee explained, tucking her phone away in her jeans pocket. “Said he has something important to tell me.”

“Oh.” Cat wrinkled her brow, not quite sure what to make of it.

“I know.” Lee shrugged. “Luckily, though, we could use this in our favour.”

“Do you ever stop plotting?” Selina wondered aloud.

“I didn’t always,” Lee mused. “But it became necessary when I came here, and I suppose I’ve just taken it on along with everything else.”

“Huh,” Selina huffed, shifting awkwardly in the following silence. “I’ll, uh, call my guy.”

“Good.” Lee smiled, turning away as she took out her phone once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooh. This is gonna go somewhere, I can feel it.


	3. Edward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I'm back. It's been like a week because I had major writer's block for this fic, but I've pushed through and have a new chapter to show for it! I'm guessing there'll be another two or three chapters before I'm done. Anyway, I hope this is good considering what time I wrote it (laughter turning to sobs). Cool, enjoy!

Ed awoke cold and damp in a place he didn’t recognise. There was a slow dripping pipe in the corner that must have roused him, the unrhythmic plop of the water easily getting on his nerves in the otherwise silent room.

He groaned as he sat up, raking his hands through his hair. His hat must’ve dropped somewhere, but Edward couldn’t remember losing it.

He slowly looked around, assessing his surroundings. It was a fairly basic, concrete box. There was a door with a barred window and a little slot that seemed to be intended as a device to push food through. It was nice to think there was a chance he’d be getting food.

Getting to his feet, Ed stretched, bending his back and arms to hear them click. He really did hate falling asleep on uncomfortable surfaces. Which begs the question; _why_ did he fall asleep on an uncomfortable surface? Edward looked around for a vent, a hole, a camera, _something_. But there was just the barred door and the incessant plip-plop breaking the silence.

Edward sat down, crossing his legs and pressing his hands together, palm to palm. He rested his forefingers against his lips, breathing in deeply through his nose as he shut his eyes. He concentrated on the facts he knew, generating them in his mind’s eye as he worked on this fantastic puzzle to be solved.

He needed to sort through the events of the previous day, isolate them so he could calculate the variables and find whatever had led him here.

He remembered texting Lee, playing into her belief that he ‘loved’ her, or what have you. He knew it was a risk initiating the conversation, but after Lee had disappeared following the events at The Riddle Factory, there’d been no contact whatsoever. How was Ed supposed to learn her true motivations if she never bothered to talk to him? 

The text he’d sent had been simple, a message conveying his need to ‘see Lee again’ and ‘tell her something important’. Lee had replied soon enough, suggesting they meet up at nightfall. Ed had been hesitant to agree but had done so anyway, appealing to the driving force within him demanding he found the truth, preferably sooner rather than later.

He’d spent his time waiting, doing the daily crossword puzzle before moving onto research. He’d decided that if Lee really _did_ have intentions to rob several of Gotham’s banks, it would do to have some preliminary knowledge of them. It turned out that most of the banks in Gotham had similar security systems and emergency procedures. That would make things much easier.

It was seven o’clock when he’d decided to wrap things up, dressing in his suit carefully and pulling on his leather gloves. He’d decided to go to the meeting place early, knowing that if Lee was planning something be best for him to show up early before she tried to pull a fast one on him.

She’d chosen a tiny bakery/armoury on the outskirts of the city, near enough to the narrows to be nondescript and close to home. Ingenious, really, if it wasn’t Ed she’d been talking to, who clearly had the superior mind in this arrangement.

He’d greeted the owner as he’d swung open the door, ordering a delicious looking green frosted cupcake as he waited for Lee to show up. Bored, he had ordered green tea as well, watching from a table at the window as the city’s skyline had darkened and the streets came alive under the nighttime neon haze.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

“Are you waiting for someone?” An accented voice asked, making Ed look up. A man with greying hair and a goatee was looking at him with dark, curious eyes, almost calculating.

“Maybe,” Ed replied, rolling his eyes. This was getting old, Lee was supposed to be here a few minutes ago, what was taking her so long?

“Who?” The man asked. Really, what possessed people to ask inane questions that were really none of their business?

“I am one word but have many subjects. What am I?” Edward asked dryly.

“A Queen,” the man answered, eyes flashing like a snake’s.

Edward smiled at him blandly, not very pleased the man had guessed correctly. “A sovereign, to be more exact, but I suppose a queen covers that.”

The man shrugged, seemingly unbothered.

“Here’s your tea, sir,”

Ed grabbed it, pleased to find it at the perfect temperature before taking a sip. The heat slid down his throat, warming him even as he scrunched his nose at the bitterness. That was the trouble with green tea, never quite balanced enough to taste sweet.

Ed yawned, suddenly tired. He briefly considered shopping for some weapons while he was there, he could use a few more handguns, preferably ones that didn’t look like they came from a children’s toy store. He took another sip of tea.

“You know the problem with men like you?” The man’s voice startled him, Edward had already forgotten he was there. “You all think that because you’re so smart, and you know a couple people in high places, that you’re all invincible. That is, of course, until there’s a bullet in your head and you find yourself at the bottom of a river.”

Ed gasps, his body clenching as he sensed a twinging pain in his gut. He swallowed thickly, his throat burning.

“Sweet dreams, _Riddler_.”

Everything went black.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Edward sighed, pressing his fingers into his eyes beneath his glasses. Wow, nice to see his captures had left him those. 

He tried his best to make sense of the facts. Perhaps he’d been followed by that Irish gentleman? But that wouldn’t explain how he’d managed to drug his tea. The ‘bakery’ owner, was definitely in on it, he was the last person to touch his drink before Ed, possibly the only one. Perhaps he and the Irishman were together?

“Well, good _morning_ , laddie. Glad to see you’re awake.”

Yep, definitely the Irishman. 

Edward smirked, swinging his head up to look at the man. “Well, hello again.”

The man inclined his head in acknowledgement. He was holding a gun in one hand and a silver knife in the other. Now that he was standing up, the man seemed a lot shorter than Ed would have guessed.

“Riddle me this,” Ed began with a grin. “How do you get a Leprechaun to-” He was cut off by a hard slap across his face, rendered even more painful by the presence of his glasses which dug harshly into his skin.

“ _No_ Leprechaun jokes,” the man snarled.

“Sorry.” Ed grinned up at him, adjusting his glasses back onto his nose. “Didn’t realize that was a sore spot.”

Leprechaun (yes, he deserved to be referred as that in Ed’s head) smiled, Cheshire cat-like, eyes managing to display a degree of disgust even as his lips twitched. “You know, boss told me not to hurt you. Said they need you in mint condition. For now.” He leant in close, suddenly, glowering at Ed with that sharp look. “But what boss don’t know won’t hurt her, will it?”

 _Her?_ He’d said _her_.

“So, your ‘boss’,” Edward used finger quotes, rolling his eyes. “What does she want with me?”

“Oh a _couple_ of things, actually,” Leprechaun tilted his head condescendingly. “But don’t worry. That’s for later. For now, I’m to make sure you got everything you need.” The man looked around the dank, concrete room. “So... do you want some water?”

“Clod,” Ed grumbled, shuffling around to turn his back.

“Fine, fine.” Leprechaun’s footsteps carried away. “Food will be here soon. Play nice and you might even get some more.”

“Why, thank you,” Ed sneered over his shoulder, watching as Leprechaun walked out the door and locked it behind him.

“See you soon, _Riddler._ ” Leprechaun’s snickers continued down the hallway.

“Great, _so_ excited,” Edward deadpanned to the door before turning back around. He was too tired for this crud, whatever substance Leprechaun had put in his tea had given Ed a headache. Tired beyond words, he laid down on his back, closing his eyes.

Before he knew it, he was asleep.

♦ ♦ ♦

_“Trust is so very hard to find in Gotham. But I trust you, Ed.” Oswald’s guileless voice, addictive smile, they swam in Ed’s head, voice warped, face blurred. His eyes tried to focus as Oswald put away his gun._

_“I. Don’t. Love. You.” The words came unbidden, Ed’s voice gritty and dark. Why was he speaking, why was he saying that? None of this was right._

_There was a sudden roll of thunder, and Ed faintly registered the pitter-patter of rain joining the spitting seaspray. This couldn’t be happening, anything but **this**._

_“You need me, Edward Nygma. Just as I need you.” The gun in Ed’s hand was raised, and he didn't know when that had happened or what was going on, he just wanted it to **stop**._

_“You betrayed me.” Tears stung Ed's eyes and his heart was beating out a staccato._

_“I'm the only one in the world who sees you as you are.” Suddenly, Oswald's coat disappeared, leaving the man shivering in his Arkham uniform as he rushed forward to claw at Ed's front, fingers twisting in the fabric of Ed's shirt._

_“No! Please! Please, no!” Ed didn't know why he was begging, or what for, and now they were both shaking, fear sluicing down Ed's spine like the rain._

_“I **need** you,” Oswald declared, eyes burning holes into Ed's skull._

_**“Riddler.”** _

_The gun fired and Ed watched on in horror as Oswald stumbled back, hand clutched to his heart_

_Abruptly, he was able to control his movements again and he rushed forward to clutch Oswald's shoulders._

_“No! No, no, no, no, **no** ,” Ed shook his eyes stinging as blood bloomed like a rose on the front of Oswald's uniform._

_“Well, would you look at that?” Edward gasped, turning to see the Oswald he'd hallucinated a little over a year ago. Limpets and river water clung to his jacket, seaweed was weaved through his hair and his skin was a ghoulish grey. Even his walk seemed waterlogged, every step dripping and dragging as he walked towards Ed._

_“Looks like you got me after all.” Edward looked at him incredulously before turning back to the Oswald in his arms._

_“Oswald? Oswald, please, stay with me,” Ed pleaded, one hand coming up to slide across Oswald's wet, slick cheek._

_“Oh, he's **dead** , Ed. You know that as much as I do,” Oswald spat, glare in full force as Ed turned back to him._

_“Why is this… why did I kill him? I- I-” Ed swallowed, unsure how he wanted to finish the sentence._

_“The question you **should** be asking, if you had the brainpower,” Oswald rolled his eyes and Ed frowned indignantly. “Is what **made** you do this.”_

_“So, what then?” Ed prompted, glaring at the specter. “Go on.”_

_Oswald sighed. “What do you think?” When Ed didn't reply, the figure simply smiled knowingly, shaking his head._

_“A deep and compulsive need to complete what you started in exacting fashion,” Oswald enunciated, squinting up at him. “Don’t you remember?”_

Ed startled awake, breathing heavily. He wanted to scratch his eyes out, to remove the images from his mind.

He'd been having the same dream for weeks now, ever since Oswald had saved him at the docks. Always the same words, the same venue, the same ending. He had to watch over and over again as Oswald died in his arms, listen to his hallucinations sneers and taunts, grit his teeth as the spectre asked him, over and over, _“Don't you remember? Don't you remember? Don't you remember?”_

 _“Remember what?”_ He wanted to scream, but he knew that no matter how loud he asked, he'd never get the answer.

Sitting up, Ed groaned, his back in even more pain than before now he'd let the cold from the concrete seep into his joints.

Blearily, he noticed the food tray sitting just in front of the door. He crawled to it, sniffing at it suspiciously. He had no way to measure what time it was, couldn't even tell how long he'd been here, but he had a feeling it'd been a fair amount of time since his cupcake at the bakery.

He examined the food, trying to ascertain whether the nutrition was worth the risk of being knocked out again.

The sudden rumbling from his stomach seemed to decide for him.

Scoffing down what appeared to be a savoury muffin and a bowl of very bland oatmeal, Edward tried to devise a plan of attack. He supposed he could scrounge around for something to pick the lock with, a stray nail perhaps? But there was always the matter of what he would do after that. There were bound to be guards, several of them, in fact, and, without any weapons for himself, Ed was, frankly, useless in a fight.

He sighed, stretching his arms out and twisting to hear his back click.

It was at that moment when, inexplicably, a series of rushed footsteps sounded down the hall, coming closer, along with the explosive bang of several guns firing.

Ed stood up, walking to the door eagerly…

And banging his head hard on the edge as it opened before him.

Ed had just enough presence of mind to acknowledge the irony before he hit the floor and everything went black.

♦ ♦ ♦

_“Trust is so very hard to find in Gotham. But I trust you, Ed.” Oh, crud, not this again. He looked around. Everything was either in hyperfocus or completely blurred, and Edward struggled to make sense of it all. Oswald put away his gun._

_“I. Don’t. Love. You.” The lines were delivered once more, no matter how Ed strained to hold them back._

_The thunder rolled, the rain began, and Ed tried not to choke on his dread as Oswald opened his mouth to say his next words._

_“You need me, Edward Nygma. Just as I need you.” Edward watched helplessly as the gun in his hand raised, finger shaking as it situated itself behind the trigger._

_“You betrayed me,” He sobbed, too tired to fight the words. His head was **killing** him._

_“I'm the only one in the world who sees you as you are.” Predictably, Oswald's coat disappeared, leaving the man shivering in his Arkham uniform as he rushed forward to claw at Ed's front, fingers twisting in the fabric of Ed's shirt._

_“No! Please! Please, no!” They both quaked, real tears slipping from Ed's eyes as he remembered what would happen next._

_“I **need** you,” Oswald declared, eyes burning holes into Ed's skull. Ed strained against his tensed muscles ,silently urging his finger not to pull the trigger, to let this man **live**._

_He didn't deserve to die._

_**“Riddler.”** _

_The gun fired and Ed watched on in horror as Oswald stumbled back, hand clutched to his heart_

_Suddenly, the ability to control his movements was his again and he rushed forward desperately to take Oswald by the shoulders._

_“No! No, no, no, no, **no** ,” Not again, please, not again. A whine escaped his throat, his own blood curdling as Oswald's spilled out from his wound._

_“Well, would you look at that?” Edward didn't bother turning this time, knowing he'd only be met by the cold stare of his hallucination._

_“Looks like you got me after all.”_

_“Oswald? Oswald, please, stay with me,” Ed pleaded, one hand coming up to slide across Oswald's wet, slick cheek._

_“Oh, he's **dead** , Ed. You know that as much as I do,” Not-Oswald spat, glare in full force as Ed turned back to it._

_“Then, **how** do I bring him back?” Edward demanded, glaring at the specter._

_The hallucination appeared surprised, faltering for a moment before pasting a fake smile across its features._

_“How did the Prince save Snow White?” It asked smugly. Ed gulped._

_“Tr- True Love's kiss,” he breathed, gaze ultimately falling back to Oswald's slack features. “You… you want me to **kiss** him?”_

_“Preferably with tongue, but in the end, it's up to you really,” the figure confirmed._

_“ **Why?** ” Ed asked incredulously._

_“Just thought you might like it,” the spectre informed him with a shrug. “What does it matter anyway, as long as it saves him, right? That **is** what you truly care about?”_

_Edward slowly turned his head, capturing Oswald's still body in his gaze. He sighed. There was nothing for it, he decided. He'd just have to play the game until the hallucination was satisfied._

_He slowly leaned down and brushed Oswald's cold, chapped lips with his own before turning to regard the hallucination expectantly._

_“Yeah, no, you'll have to try a little harder than that,” It told him firmly._

_Sighing, Ed leaned back down and pressed his lips firmly on top of Oswald's, unable to control his tongue dipping out to taste the salt on his lips. Slowly, but surely, the Oswald in his arms began to respond, tilting his head to lock their lips together with just as much insistence._

_Ed eventually pulled back, blinking dazedly as his eyes scanned Oswald’s face. Slowly, his gaze moved down to Oswald’s chest and he breathed a sigh of relief when seeing all the blood had disappeared._

_“I knew you were the one,” Oswald whispered, reverent tears in his eyes that sent a cascade of emotion down Ed’s spine. “I **knew** you loved me back.”_

_Ed gasped, letting go of Oswald and staggering back, trying to process what was happening. He turned his gaze to the hallucination, glaring at it spitefully._

_“Why did you make me- Why are you doing this?” Ed demanded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand._

_The hallucination snorted, shaking his head before sighing and looking back up at him regretfully. “Don’t you remember?”_

_Oh, crud._

_“What is he talking about? “ Oswald asked, brow furrowed._

_No, no, no!_

_“We were right here, remember,” The hallucination persisted, walking forward purposefully. “I’d just saved you, and then…”_

_“I collapsed,” Ed finished, breathing heavily as he stared at Not-Oswald. The spectre nodded for him to continue. “You- he- you carried me to the car. I- I was delirious, everything was swirling around. Confusing.”_

_“And then?” The figure prompted._

_“And- and then you said it.” Ed turned to Oswald who was gazing at him with wide eyes. “You were pleading with me to hang on, to stay conscious and then… Then, you told me you loved me.”_

_The howling wind of the pier quietened and it was only him making any noise._

_“And- and I…” Ed’s throat worked as he tried to force the words out._

“Ed.”

_“I… I…” Why couldn’t he say it?_

“Ed! Ed, you have to stay with me!” _Oswald sounded very insistent, and Ed turned to face him in confusion._

“Ed! Please, please, just wake up!”

_“Why?” Ed asked. The edges of his vision were blurring, burning white hot as he tried to blink past the obstruction. “I… I thought you wanted me to stay.”_

“Yes, please, come on Ed, I’ve got you.”

 _“Okay,” Ed whispered before he_ opened his eyes.

“Oh, thank God,” Oswald cried. Ed looked around blearily, noticing he was on the ground with Oswald leaning over him, his face in Oswald’s hands. It was a strange parody of his dream, and Ed’s stomach roiled at the memory of it. “Oh, I thought you could have been seriously hurt.”

“I’m fine, it’s an overreaction,” Ed slurred, shaking his head in an attempt to clear the cotton balls clogging it. “All you did was bang my head on the door.”

“Ed, you smashed your head on the concrete when you fell.” Oswald told him plaintively. “You’re bleeding. You could have a concussion.”

“Nice to see you still care.” Whoops, that had just slipped out.

“Ed, we’re going to get you to a hospital, but first, you need to tell me what happened,” Oswald instructed gently.

“We were at the docks. It was _fantastic_ ,” Ed told him.

“I...” Oswald shook his head before levelling his stern gaze at Ed. “I meant, how did you get here?”

“Oh, a Leprechaun brought me,” Ed told him.

“Boss, he’s not makin’ any sense.” Ooh, Ed knew that voice.

“Grundy!” He cried. “My main man! How do you feel about smashing a Leprechaun?”

“Ed, Ed, you need to concentrate. Just tell me what you were doing before you came here.” Oswald instructed.

“Oh! I was meeting Lee,” Ed exclaimed. Slowly, Oswald’s face darkened like a storm cloud’s, eyes burning coldly. Ed reached up with his hand to brush away the anger but Oswald pulled back before he could.

“I have to go,” Oswald said, turning and walking hurriedly to the door, turning back at the last moment. “Take care of him.”

And with that, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop, woop, it's getting shippy up in here. I can feel them getting closer together. If anyone's interested, I have a new work called [The Ice Around My Heart ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14300325) which I'm really proud of, so please go read it if you like my other fics :)


	4. Oswald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I hope this answers any questions people had about the last chapter. This isn't a very happy chapter but after this, it should pick up :)
> 
> I feel like I had more to say, but I've forgotten everything. Oh well, hope you enjoy this :)
> 
> (Also, it's twelve thirty in NZ. I think I've developed a fault.)

Oswald should’ve known. Looking back at it, his ignorance was almost painful to remember. He should’ve known the entire time.

He should’ve known.

♦ ♦ ♦

Oswald walked down the corridor to his office quietly, his limp feeling more pronounced, his joints aching and his shoulders slumped. Oswald didn’t have the energy to hold them up, an invisible weight seemingly dragging them down ever since the news if Ed and... And that woman. Oswald just couldn’t say her name. 

As he continued to hobble forward, he began to hear a voice emanating from further down. Picking up the pace, Oswald noticed that the voice sounded like it was coming from his own office, the wooden door muffling their words.

Huffing, Oswald leant in, pressing his ear to the oak in an attempt to understand the voice’s source.

“Why am _I_ the one who has to do this?” A high, feminine voice asked, sighing exasperatedly. Oswald’s brow furrowed, his ears straining for any further noise he could work out.

“Well, it’s not like I _could_. Dude would never buy it, he’s not that _stupid_ ,” Oswald frowned. He couldn’t be sure the voice was speaking about him, but if it were, this gross insubordination would have to be punished thoroughly, it wouldn’t do to allow people the belief that such behaviour would be accepted.

“Well, at least _this_ plan is better than your last one,” The voice muttered, Oswald’s ears barely catching it. Plan? What plan? “Yes, well, we were both wrong, _weren’t_ we?” This really wasn’t making any sense to Oswald. “Just saying, if he finds out what I’ve done -what _we’ve_ done- Penguin will skin us both alive. You remember what he said to me, right?”

What?

“Yeah, well, I fucking hope it pays off.” Oswald decided then was as good a moment as any to burst in, opening his door swiftly to reveal… Selina Kyle.

“Oh. Hello, Miss Kyle,” Oswald greeted, automatically assuming a neutral tone as he regarded the young girl standing awkwardly by his desk.

“Oh, _heyyy_ , Pengy.” Selina smiled, the expression appearing forced and strained. “Nice to see you again.”

“Quite,” Oswald articulated, looking her up and down. “It is not often that I see you in my office _twice_ in the same week.”

“Oh, yeah, well,” Selina stopped and started, her eyes flitting around the room without landing on him. “I just ahh… Oh! You remember last time I came here, asking for somethin’?”

“Yes,” Oswald drawled, raising an eyebrow as he wondered how far the girl was planning to take this.

“Well, I still need a favour,” she explained, shuffling her feet in the semblance of sheepishness. Oswald nodded, considering her, before moving around the desk to sit on his wide-back chair.

“Go ahead,” he prompted after a couple moments.

“Oh! _Right_ , um, so the thing is, Barbara and Tabby have gone missing,” Cat explained in a rush.

“ _Have they_ , now?” Oswald asked, his eyebrow hitching up further in mock-curiosity.

“Yep,” Selina replied with a nod.

“And what do you wish for me to do about it? I’m hardly a fan of either of them, and I do believe the feeling is quite mutual,” Oswald quipped with a smirk.

“Yes, well,” Selina nodded, then shrugged. Oswald had a feeling whoever she’d been speaking with was still talking to her and, after peering closer at her ears, noticed a small headset-like ear-contraption, concealed by Selina’s hair. “I- I understand that but, don’t you think it’d be maleficial- I-I mean _beneficial_ , to have them owing you a favour?”

Oswald hummed, ignoring her obvious blunder. “I’ve found myself attempting such an agreement with a group of various people on numerous occasions and, in the end, it seems all too often that people are happy to receive my favour, but will do nothing in return should I ever ask. I think you should find a different tactic.”

“Uh, well, how ‘bout me owing you a favour?” Selina tried.

“You already owe me one,” Oswald told her.

“How do you figure that?” She asked, crossing her arms.

“Well,” Oswald began, pressing his lips together in false consideration. “ _I_ allowed you to live, even after finding you _alone_ , not to mention, _uninvited_ , inside of my office.” Oswald pasted a bland smile onto his face. “I could have just as easily slit your throat and be done with you. And yet..” Oswald gestured first to himself sitting down, then to Selina with her aghast expression.

“Really, Pengy?” She spat. “I doubt you could take me in a fight.”

“We shall never know.” Oswald shrugged and sighed with false wistfulness. Selina continued to stare at him. “You may go now.”

“But, I still-”

“ _Leave_.” Oswald ordered sternly. Huffing angrily, muttering to herself, (or possibly whoever was on the other end of Selina’s earpiece) Selina turned and left, slamming the door with far too much force behind her.

“Really,” Oswald sighed, rolling his eyes as he went about sorting his stacks of paper. It was clear that Selina and the person on the other side of Selina’s earpiece were conspiring against him, for purposes unknown. Oswald wasn’t an imbecile, he’d been in this business for a long time, and he knew better than to reveal his knowledge of Selina’s betrayal at this point. He’d made that mistake before, and the result had been catastrophic.

Oswald scrunched his nose, a bitter flavour resting on his tongue as he recalled the unfortunate memory of Miss Falcone. Frankly, Oswald was glad she’d survived the shot to the head. It merely meant Oswald would one day have the opportunity to kill her himself.

Clearing away his sombre thoughts, Oswald reached for the letter tray, scraping up the meagre pile of envelopes, choosing it as a decent enough place to start the day. Selecting his favourite antique letter opener from the drawer, Oswald slit the envelopes open one by one, pouring out the paper within.

As Oswald read his way through the stack, a headache began to build behind his eyes. He had a feeling he'd need reading glasses one day, but the thought was so despising, he'd made no moves to purchase any. Perhaps he could go another route. A monocle perhaps?

Powering through, Oswald continued reading through the letters, writing perfunctory responses to them as he went, until, at last, he was finished.

Putting down his Quill with a sigh, (he'd begun favouring them these days, enjoying the luxurious feel of the feather in his hand) Oswald turned back to his mountainous paperwork, only to find another envelope awaiting him. Oswald puzzled it for a moment, wondering whether he'd dropped it there by accident, before retaking his letter opener.

When the paper spilled across Oswald's desk, he took it in his hands and read through it thoroughly. And then again. And a third time. Eventually, the words began to sink in. The letter was comprised of cut out words from magazines and newspapers.

**IF YOU WISH TO SEE YOUR FRIEND ALIVE AGAIN FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS.**

**OPEN YOUR BOTTOM DESK DRAWER.**

Dread pooling in Oswald's stomach, he hastily got out his key, ready to unlock the drawer, only to find it already unlocked when he tugged on the knob. There, nestled amongst stray papers and odd pens, was a black bowler hat. 

Not just any hat. _Ed's_ hat.

Oswald's vision suddenly swam, a prickling invading his ears as he blinked stupidly at the black velvet in his hands. It- it _couldn’t_ be, they… They wouldn’t _dare_ -

Oswald’s hands were shaking, and there was a raging fire burning in his veins, and he could barely _breathe_.

Hastily, he read through the remaining instructions, silently fuming as he clutched the paper tighter and tighter.

**GOOD. NOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU COMPLY WITH OUR DEMANDS.**

**IF YOU WANT TO SEE EDWARD NYGMA ALIVE AND WELL BRING ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS TO WAREHOUSE 117 TOMORROW AT 19:00.**

**WE WILL BE WAITING.**

The paper crumpled in Oswald's first, tearing slightly, as he finally allowed himself to succumb to his fury. How _dare_ they take Ed away, hurt him, threaten Oswald, blackmail him. Whoever did this would surely pay. Oswald would squeeze their imbecilic heads until their eyes popped, cut out their entrails and feed it to them, wear their teeth as a fucking _necklace_ , splatter their brains-

Oh.

Oh, but of _course_.

It was Selina. It had to be. There was no one else with as much evidence stacked against them. It would certainly explain what she was doing in Oswald's office in the first place.

What was she playing at? What could possibly be her endgame? Oswald knew about Selina’s penchant for thievery, knew that after a lifetime on the streets, she’d resorted to many acts, most of them illegal, in order to obtain what she wanted. But this? It didn’t seem like Selina’s style at all. No, whoever was on the phone with her, _they_ were the one who put her up to this. They’re the true mind behind this plan. But, whatever their aim for all this was, Oswald decided that it was best if he played along.

Hastily, he got out his cell, punching in Butch’s number. He picked up on the third ring.

_“Penguin?”_

“Yes, hello. I need you to do something for me,” Oswald commanded, not bothering with further formalities.

_“Are you askin’ me or tellin’ me?”_

“Telling you!” Oswald shouted into the phone.

_“Nuh-uh. If we’re workin’ together, we’re equals remember? No orderin’ me about.”_

“Fine,” Oswald hissed. The man truly was infuriating. “I’m asking you.”

_“Kay. What do ya want?”_

Oswald sighed. Did the man really have to be so tiresome? “I want you to put the word out to all my people. Let them know that Ed is missing.”

_“Ed? You mean **Nygma**? Hell no! I’m not helping you save that snivelling, two-faced psycho! Not after all the shit he put me and Tabby through!”_

Oswald sighed, exasperated. “While your continued loyalty to a woman with no interest in you is very _becoming_ , it has no place in this arrangement. I need you to do this, so _**do**_ it!”

_“I don’t think so.”_

“Fine,” Oswald gritted out. “How much money is it going to take?”

_“How ‘bout six hundred?”_

Oswald shut his eyes, breathing deeply to control his urge to reach into the phone and throttle Butch, preferably to death. “Fine.”

_“Pleasure doin’ business with you.”_

“Oh, and Butch,” Oswald began. “Don’t tell Selina Kyle.”

_“Why not?”_

“I’m paying you, dammit! Just do as your told.” Oswald hung up derisively. It would only be a matter of time before Selina revealed herself. And Oswald would be patiently waiting.

♦ ♦ ♦

It only took six hours before Selina made contact again. His cell phone rang in the early hours of the morning, and Oswald was still waiting at his desk, hunched over and tired as he sipped at his glass of whiskey.

“Hello?” He greeted blandly into the phone, emitting a vague nonchalance as he awaited a reply.

_“Penguin! It’s me, Cat! I don’t have much time, but I’ve found Ed. He’s in a warehouse block on-”_

“How did you find out about Ed? I don’t remember asking Butch to tell you,” he inquired innocently, taking a sip of his drink. 

_“...It… It doesn’t matter, what matters is he’s-”_

“It certainly matters to me,” Oswald drawled.

_“Word gets around, okay! Seriously Penguin, you have to get there, **now**.”_

“Give me the address,” Oswald prompted, his impatience to reassure himself of Ed’s safety winning out over his need to discover what Selina was planning. For… reasons.

_“It’s warehouse 697, block 12. But you better hurry.”_

The dial tone rang and she was gone. Oswald sighed, pulling his phone away from his ear to punch in Butch’s number once more. It picked up on the second ring.

_“Yeah?”_

“Butch, I’ve found him! He’s in a warehouse on the docks. How soon can you gather your men?” Oswald asked in a rush, already standing from his chair to grab his cane and pistol, leaving his glass on the desk.

_“An hour. But it’ll cost ya.”_

Oswald sighed. So much for preserving his funds.

“ **Fine**. Meet me at warehouse 697. And be prepared, it could be a trap.” Oswald warned.

_“Will do.”_

♦ ♦ ♦

The sun was up by the time they’d all convened less than three blocks away from the warehouse where Ed was supposedly being held.

“We go in on my order,” Oswald shouted at the troops, lowlifes in need of money, not caring where they got it or how. “If anyone sees the girl known as Selina Kyle, you report it to me or, better yet, bring her to me yourself.”

With that, they made their way to the correct block, sticking to shadowed areas of the docks as much as they could until they reached they’d warehouse itself.

“Ready yourselves!” Oswald instructed, pointing his pistol at the lock. He fired, and all hell broke loose. The warehouse appeared to be set out in a maze, actual hallways and corridors revealing themselves inside as Oswald and his gang tore through the door. Guards looked up from where they were standing, placed in equidistant intervals down the hall. Oswald’s men fired at them and they went down like rabbits. Easy. But maybe too easy.

Oswald wasn’t sure why, but something about the whole operation seemed off. Shouldn’t it have been harder than this? The guards were barely putting up a fight like they _wanted_ this or something equally messed up. No, something was definitely wrong here, and Oswald knew exactly who to blame. 

Rounding a corner, Oswald found himself heading down a corridor lined with what appeared to be metal cell doors, not unlike the ones he’d had in Arkham. He shivered at the thought. Most of the doors were wide open, the cell inside dark and empty, but Oswald spotted a light down the end of the hallway and headed towards it eagerly.

He tried the handle, ready to break the door down, only to find it swung open easily, far too quickly. It hadn’t even been locked.

“Oof!” A pained voice gasped, making Oswald’s pulse spike in his throat. He quickly scrambled around the door, finding none other than Edward Nygma, lying on the floor, a tiny trickle of blood seeping out from beneath his head.

“ _No,_ ” Oswald breathed, rushing forward and dropping to his knees at Ed’s side. It sent a jolt of pain up his leg but Oswald gritted his teeth and boar it under the sight of Ed’s blood colouring the concrete beneath him dark red. “No! Please, please!” He hadn’t come all this way only to lose Edward again. He refused to let that happen.

“Please, Ed, Please,” Oswald begged, his right hand cupping the back of Ed’s head to lift it from the ground carefully, the other brushing against his pale cheek.

A murmur, a flickering eyelid. Hope bloomed in Oswald’s chest.

“Ed?”

“I…” It’s breathy and light, but It’s there.

“Ed! Ed, you have to stay with me!” Oswal told him insistently. “Ed! Please, please, just wake up!”

“Why?’ Ed mumbled, making Oswald’s heart wrench his chest.

“Yes, please, come on Ed, I’ve got you.” Oswald pleaded with him. He needed Ed. He needed him.

“Okay,” Ed whispered before hewas opening his eyes blearily, to meet Oswald’s own.

“Oh, thank God,” Oswald cried. “Oh, I thought you could have been seriously hurt.”

“I’m fine, it’s an overreaction,” Ed slurred, shaking his head, which he really _shouldn’t have been doing._ “All you did was bang my head on the door.”

“Ed, you smashed your head on the concrete when you fell.” Oswald told him plaintively. “You’re bleeding. You could have a concussion.”

“Nice to see you still care.” Oswald licked his lips, pressing them together in an attempt to disguise how much that had stung.

“Ed, we’re going to get you to a hospital, but first, you need to tell me what happened,” Oswald instructed gently.

“We were at the docks. It was _fantastic_ ,” Ed told him. _What on Earth..?_

“I...” Oswald shook his head before levelling Ed with a stern stare. “I meant, how did you get _here_?”

“Oh, a Leprechaun brought me,” Ed told him.

“Boss, he’s not makin’ any sense.” Butch chimed in. When had he gotten there? How much had he seen? Oswald’s cheeks warmed in embarrassment.

“Grundy!” Ed cried. “My main man! How do you feel about smashing a Leprechaun?” God, this was too much for Oswald to deal with. Edward was clearly concussed, not to mention delirious, and would most likely be no use at all in this state. He’d need to be taken to an emergency room or a doctor at _least_.

But still, Oswald needed to know how Selina was connected to all this.

“Ed, Ed, you need to concentrate. Just tell me what you were doing before you came here.” Oswald instructed.

“Oh! I was meeting Lee,” Ed exclaimed. 

Lee. _Lee._

Of course, it was her! It all made perfect sense now. She must have been the one talking to Selina through the earpiece, controlling the chess board while she sat comfortably on her throne. A schemer, that’s what she was. A little, manipulative witch, controlling pawns. Well, Oswald was no pawn. She’d see that soon enough.

“I have to go,” Oswald said, rising and making his way to the door, turning back at the last moment. “Take care of him,” he instructed Butch. Then he left, trying to ignore his screaming heart telling him to turn back, take Ed into his arms and never let go.

Oswald knew better than to listen to his heart by now.

♦ ♦ ♦

Tracking down Lee was harder than expected, simply because the majority of people in the Narrows seemed to hate him. Still, nothing a little persuasion couldn’t solve.

Proud, his wallet a hundred dollars lighter, Oswald made his way to a building down the road from Cherry’s, walking upstairs where Lee presumably kept an office above her clinic.

He made his way quietly, cursing the floorboards as they creaked underfoot. It didn’t seem to matter though, because as Oswald neared the office door, loud and distracted voices met his ears, clearly none the wiser of his presence.

“Well, how was I supposed to know he’d just leave?” That was Selina, indignant and grumpy as ever. “It was _your_ dumb plan, you should have figured it out!”

“Really?” Lee’s voice inquired, eerily cool and calm. “Because, it wasn’t _me_ who got caught sneaking into Penguin’s office, now, was it?”

“How was I supposed to know he was coming? For a guy with a limp, he really knows how to be quiet when he wants to be.” Selina cried. Oswald resisted the urge to laugh. They were quiet for a moment, Oswald’s ears straining to pick up any sounds, only hearing slowly pacing footsteps, the occasional squeak of leather and the rustling of clothing.

“Maybe we’re going about this all wrong.” Lee again, the pacing stopping as she spoke. “We’ve been so focused on replicating all the things they’ve already gone through themselves, we’ve been missing the most obvious solution the whole time!”

Oswald frowned. What was she talking about? How did this have anything to do with them locking Ed up and all the rest of it? How deep did this operation go? 

“What do you mean?” Selina asked.

“Well, we know Oswald and Edward love each other. We just have to put them in a situation where they can’t avoid the truth of it. Then, they can finally admit it to each other.” All the blood seemed to drain from Oswald at once. She- she _couldn’t_. No, he’d- he’d tried so damn hard to push it all away, to lock it all up. He’d allowed himself to slip up at the docks after Edward had risked everything in order to keep Oswald safe, fainting and landing in his arms like a beautiful damsel. But never again, Oswald refused to let his desires be used against him.

Never again.

“What could possibly-” Selina began but stopped instantly as Oswald burst through the door, shoulders tensed with fury as he glared at the pair of them, teeth gritted against the explosive rage in his chest.

“Oh, shit,” Selina breathed, stumbling back with an uncharacteristic lack of grace.

“Oswald,” Lee nodded, that strange serenity pasted over her features even as her eyes scanned him. Oswald was a walking, breathing threat, and she should know it too.

“Whatever you have planned, you can forget it!” Oswald spat, pointing an inexplicably trembling finger at her. “I don’t care what your motivations are, you have _no business_ interfering with my relationship with Edward.” Oswald shook his head, stuttering through an exhale as he tried to release the soaring rage in his bones. “Ed should have known better than to trust his heart with the likes of you.”

“Are you really one to talk?” Lee inquired impassively, her gaze stone cold. Oswald pressed his lips together, ignoring the urge to smack this woman around the head or, worse, let the prickling tears in his eyes flow freely.

“You’re not to contact me or Ed again. If I hear that you have, I will personally hunt you down and slit your throat.” Oswald turned to Cat. “Now, Miss Kyle, although I want to believe that you have been manipulated into this scheme by a cruel hand, I’m afraid that the notion seems highly unlikely. If you wish to find any work with me again, I’m afraid you’re going to have to prove yourself greatly. Although I don’t blame you,” Oswald looked away. “It’s a common misconception that cats always land on their feet.”

Then he left, fist clenched around his cane, leg aching, aching, _aching_ as he pushed down the tiny splinters of heartbreak.

It wasn’t anything he hadn’t dealt with before.

He should have known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! So I know what I'm doing for the next chapter but I was wondering which of the four perspectives you've loved and would like for me to write the next chapter in? Also, is there anything I haven't addressed yet that you'd like me to? Go ahead and comment!


	5. Selina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter from Selina's POV before the main event from Oswald (since everyone seemed to agree that I should write from his POV, although I can't tell you why). I'm also praying for my soul after watching the latest Gotham episode. Just... kill me, kill me now.
> 
> SOS

Selina watched as Penguin left, his hobbling steps faster than usual as he tried to get away. She exhaled slowly, rocking back on her feet and crossing her arms as she tried to understand what had just happened.

“That… That was…” She trailed off, unable to find the words for how monumentally they’d fucked up.

“Not good?” Lee supplied, sitting back in her desk chair.

“Yeah. Yeah, that.” Selina swallowed, closing her eyes as she tried to suss out the strange mixture of indignation and guilt swimming inside her.

“Look, we both know what we did was for their own go-” Lee began.

“We kidnapped the dude, Lee! That’s low!” Selina cried.

“ _You_ agreed to the plan, Selina. You didn’t have to, but you did,” Lee tried to reason, but Cat didn’t _care_.

“Who gives a shit? We’re just makin’ everything worse, can’t you _see_? We shoulda just left ‘em alone without screwin’ everything up!” Cat yelled. 

“They were never going to get anywhere without our he-”

“No! Lee!” Selina fumed, cutting her off again. “Because they aren’t _‘anywhere’_ , are they? I can’t believe I even listened to you in the first place!”

“Cat, calm down!” Lee insisted, finally rising from her chair, all elegant and majestic, like a _Queen_.

“Maybe _you_ shoulda been with Ed,” Selina remarked, glaring at her. “I think you two woulda made a nice couple.”

Lee frowned, tilting her head in confusion. “Why... Why would-”

“Because bad people should be with other bad people, _Lee_. Isn’t that why you started this all in the first place?” Selina spat.

Lee’s jaw twitched, her glare searing as she glowered at Cat, but it didn’t leave a mark. Selina was sick of all these stupid people who seemed to surround her, walking around like they knew what was going on when in reality they were just as god-awful and thick as the rest of them.

“I am nothing like Ed Nygma,” Lee growled.

“I suppose you’re right.” Cat smiled bitterly. “‘Cause at least he doesn’t _pretend_ to be good. He doesn’t tell himself that just because he’s saved a couple people, he’s automatically a hero.”

“He has killed people in cold blood, Selina,” Lee hissed.

“Yeah, and who was it that killed Sophia Falcone again?” Selina prompted.

Silence.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Cat turned, heading for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Where does it look like? I’m leavin’ so I can stop seeing your dumb face,” Selina snapped.

“But- but you _can’t_ , you need to help me-” Lee insisted.

“Honestly, I don’t give a fuck.” And so she left, not bothering to look behind her, knowing full well what monster she would see.

♦ ♦ ♦

“-And then she tried to pin it all on me! _Me!_ Like it was _my_ idea to set ‘em up and trick ‘em! I mean- who does she think she is?” Cat rambled, red-hot fury spewing out of her like lava as she paced back and forth over the expensive rug. The tall Manor walls loomed around them, somehow comforting rather than intimidating after all this time. It did little to soothe the fire burning within her, however. “She’s- she’s _manipulative_ and- and a _bitch_!”

Bruce’s eyebrows raised. “Well, that’s not very polite.”

“I don’t fuckin’ care!” Selina yelled, swinging around to face him. “She has more whacked up schemes than Nygma does. I mean, _kidnapping_ him and making Penguin _save_ him? How sick is that?”

Bruce tilted his head, infuriatingly calm about the whole thing.

“Come _on_ , Bruce, fuckin’ _react_. You know what she did was messed up. I’m angry over here, show some empathy!”

“Why did you agree to help her?” Bruce asked instead.

“What?” Selina snapped.

“It just seems strange to me. How did she convince you? Did she offer you money? Anything?” Bruce prompted.

“...No,” Selina replied, drawing it out.

“Then why did you do it?” Bruce continued.

“Because… Because I needed Oswald’s help with Barbara and- and I thought that if I did it, Oswald might- might find her for me.” Selina answered.

“That can’t be it,” Bruce shook his head. He had that annoying, analytic look in his eye, the one he always got when he was trying to examine her and figure her out. “If you wanted Penguin’s help, you would have gone to him first. He likes you, and he trusts you. You knew he couldn’t help. So why did you agree?”

Selina pressed her lips together, her gaze dropping to the floor. God, she hated it went Bruce got all smart on her. “I know you don’t like him, but... Me and Penguin, we used to be friends. He- he never told me I was too young, or too small, or too anything really. Didn’t care I was a girl, only said I was smart. And when Nygma left him again… I didn’t really know what heartbreak looked like until when I saw him. I don’t know why but… I guess when Lee told me she had a plan to fix things between them… I thought that maybe I could help. Because, even though he’s just as bad as the rest of us, sometimes- sometimes even the worse people deserve love. Someone just as bad as ‘em to stand by their side.” She sniffed, rubbing her eyes. “Stupid, I know.”

Bruce was quiet for a long time, before finally saying. “I think you’re a lot nicer than people give you credit for.”

“Thanks.” Selina rolled her eyes.

“And, I know you might hate this idea, but… I think you need to help Lee.”

“What? Hell no!” Selina protested immediately.

“You need to see this through, Cat. I know you want to. I’m sure whatever Dr Thompkins comes up with next can’t be much worse than what’s already happened.” Bruce reasoned.

“Wanna bet?” Selina huffed. Bruce just looked at her. “Fine,” she sighed. “I’ll go see her tomorrow. And wipe that smug look off your face.”

To her annoyance, he didn’t.

♦ ♦ ♦

Selina waited in Lee’s office, resisting the urge to bounce on the balls of her feet or play with the little pens and knick-knacks on her desk. To her relief, the door soon opened, Lee’s face morphing into confusion as she noticed Cat’s presence.

“Selina? I thought...” She trailed off.

“Yeah, well, don’t worry. Not all doctors are smart.” Selina sniffed, shrugging casually. Lee grinned.

“Does this mean you’ll hear my idea?” She asked.

“Sure, I’ll hear it,” Selina agreed. “But don’t think it means I forgive you. And if it’s anythin’ as stupid as your last ones, I’m outta here.”

“Oh, believe me,” Lee grinned again. “You’ll like this.”

And, luckily for her, she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop. I'll try to finish Oswald's chapter ASAP (I hope it will fix all our broken hearts). I have no idea if it'll be the last chapter or not, we'll have to wait and see. Who knows, maybe I'll do an epilogue just for fun? Comment and tell me your theories on this or S4 of Gotham, I don't care, it's 2:12 and I'm certain I have an issue now.


	6. Oswald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! This is the second to last chapter, the next being an epilogue (I'm working out the semantics but if there's anything you'd like to be included, let me know!") Thanks for all the support y'all have given me so far, it's so greatly appreciated. This is probably the longest chapter so far, and it's a little dialogue heavy, but it kinda had to be. Somehow, I managed to turn this into a reconciliation fic in the space of one chapter. Anyway, enjoy!

“You want me to come with you _willingly?_ ” Oswald asked incredulously. He was in his office, staring up at Selina Kyle like she was mad. Because, clearly, she _was._

“Well,” Selina gestured to the gun, still lying on her palm almost innocuously. “Semi-willingly.”

Oswald's jaw dropped, small indignations trying to escape as he floundered. “wha- h- you… _**No!**_ ”

“I can drug you if you'd like?” Cat offered.

“Again, _no_ ,” Oswald insisted.

“C’mon, Pengy, I know you want this.” She insisted. Oswald glared at her. “Think of Martin! Wouldn't it be nice for him to have _two_ fathers?”

“Th-that is beside the point!” Oswald sputtered.

“C’mon, you both like him so much! Don't you think Martin would want his dad to be happy?” Selina implored.

“The adoption isn't even finalized yet and- and it doesn't matter!” Oswald shouted. “You- you are manipulating me and it won't stand!”

“Look, Pengy,” Selina began, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. “You're coming with me whether you like it or not. I just need to know whether you wanna be conscious.”

“...Fine,” Oswald growled, exhaling slowly as he stood up from his desk. “Lead the way, I guess.”

“Thank you,” Selina quipped. As Oswald followed her down his _own_ hallway, all he could think was that he had done absolutely nothing to deserve this shit.

♦ ♦ ♦

“You have no idea what it feels like, do you?” Oswald scoffed, pressing his trembling hand to his lips. They’re in a car, Gotham’s smouldering streets swooping past as they drove through the crowded streets.

_You don’t know how love seems to drip from you like blood pouring from a head wound. You don’t know that it feels like I put my heart on the floor in front of him, and he just turned around and left it there. You don’t know why I’ve drawn away because you don’t see that touching him was like touching a flame. You don’t understand._

Cat looked up, questioningly. Oswald shook his head at her. “Whatever this is, it won’t work. I promise you. I know Ed. I know that I lost him a long time ago. He might still care about me in some small, pitiful way. But he doesn’t- he could _never_ love me. Not the way I love him.”

Selina pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes. “You really need him, don’t you?”

“What?” Oswald asked, furrowing his brow.

“I mean- you can do all the usual stuff, you can be smart, run your club, everything. You can be a father to Martin, sort shit out. But after that…” Selina shook her head. “You can survive, but- but you’re just… _surviving_. You want to be happy.” She smiled at him, soft and sad, much too wise for a girl her age. “You deserve to be happy, Oswald.”

“But do I really have to drag him down to get it?” Oswald asked helplessly, eyes falling to his lap. 

Selina snorted, and Oswald glanced up furiously to glare at her. “Sorry, just… If there’s any two people in this city who are on _completely_ equal ground, it’s _definitely_ you two.”

“No. No, Ed deserves better.” Oswald shook his head decisively.

Selina sighed, rolling her eyes. “I get it, you love Ed. Can we please just talk about something _else_?”

Oswald smirked. “Fine. Tell me how you found Lee.”

♦ ♦ ♦

“Here ya go.”

Oswald turned back to Selina, eyeing her incredulously, “You have _got_ to be _kidding_ me!”

“What?” Selina asked, eyes widened and innocent. 

“Uh, _hello_ ,” Oswald gestured to the room, and general _filth_ around them. They were in _another_ abandoned building, closer to The Narrows this time. It seemed Lee wasn’t too concerned about remaining inconspicuous now that Oswald knew she was behind this.

“Calm down, Pengy. The quicker you cooperate, the quicker all this will be over,” Cat told him, far too condescending considering the fact that _she was at least **thirteen** years younger than him_.

“What?” He licked his lips, feeling his nostrils flare.

“Whaddaya mean, _what?_ We both know why you’re here, Pengy,” Selina told him.

“When are you going to let us out?” he asked incredulously.

“When you two have finally made some _progress_ ,” She hissed, raising her eyebrows. “Failing that, you got forty-eight hours.”

Oswald’s mouth dropped open. “Do we even get food?”

“Sure,” Selina quipped unconvincingly. “Ed’ll be here soon. Time starts then. Now go get yourself comfortable so I can tie you up.”

Oswald sighed. “You know I could have you killed. It might take nine times, but you’ll be gone eventually.”

“Will you?” She asked, not appearing terribly concerned as she led Oswald to take a seat by the radiator.

“We’ll see,” Oswald hissed, but he was sure by Selina’s smirk that she knew he never would. He couldn’t help the protective instinct he felt for the girl. He seemed to be picking up strays more and more these days. 

Oswald rolled his eyes as Selina secured his hands around the radiator’s thankfully cold rungs. “Zip-ties? _Really?_ You couldn’t spring for cuffs?”

“You and I both know that Ed can pick locks. Lee and I would both rather you locked in here until you’ve sorted your shit out,” Selina told him astutely.

Oswald clicked his tongue, pasting on a disdainful smile. “Well, it’s nice to see you care.”

♦ ♦ ♦

Oswald had to wait a full hour before the door opened again. He’d grown bored, the only thing occupying him being his churning thoughts. He’d gone over the possibilities of what could happen when Ed would arrive, again and again, always drawing the same conclusion; it just wouldn’t work. Sure, there was a point in time when he’d believed that Ed might be able to love him, and later, love him again. But ever since Ed left the Manor a month or so ago, it seemed awfully apparent that there was no hope of igniting the old spark between them. They could be amiable with one another, maybe even friends, but anything more? It just wasn’t possible.

It was then that the door opened to reveal Selina, leading in a goon with a splash of sparkly green slung over his shoulder. Oswald watched in horror as the man dropped Ed to the floor beside him, not seeming to notice or even care that the landing would have left bruises.

“Be careful,” Oswald hissed, watching in dismay as Ed's wrists were zip-tied next to his. He was slumped over, held up purely by the radiator and his bonds. “What the fuck did you give him?” He asked Cat incredulously, continuing before she could answer. “It better not have been chloroform. He's allergic to chloroform.”

“Really?”

“Not deathly allergic, but, yes, allergic.” Oswald confirmed.

“Huh.” Selina shrugged as if to say ‘ _What do you know?’_ “Lucky that Lee had a sedative lying around then. I suppose that's the perk of being a Doctor. Anywho,” Selina smiled at him smugly. “Have fun!” Selina chirped, before slamming the door behind them.

“That girl is going to grow up to be quite the troublesome woman one day,” Oswald muttered, shaking his head with a sigh. He startled as Ed mumbled something, lolling back against the radiator like a puppet that had lost its strings.

“Ed?” He prompted quietly. Ed hummed, unconsciously rolling towards him. He twisted to rest his head on Oswald's shoulder inhaling deeply before leaning further to nuzzle Oswald's neck 

Oswald's pulse spiked, heat creeping across his skin as his chest heaved with inexplicably heavy breaths.

“Ed,” he prompted again, louder this time. “Ed, you need to wake up, love.” _Fuck_ , that had just slipped out. Oswald bit his tongue hard as he prayed Ed hadn't heard him.

But, to Oswald's horror, Edward began to stir, his chest pressing hard against the length of Oswald's arm as Ed licked his lips and, consequently, Oswald's neck. Oswald held his breath, tensing all over as he struggled not to move a single muscle.

“Ozzie?” Ed slurred, his lips brushing against Oswald's skin, so tantalizing and surreal that Oswald was half concerned he was having a mini heart attack. Ed finally seemed to register the situation, particularly his position next to Oswald, his breath stuttering against Oswald’s neck _(please, stay)_ before pulling away.

“Oh my,” Ed gasped before scrunching his nose, pulling up his knees to rest his forehead on them. “Wow, whatever drug that was, it is _extremely_ effective.”

“Well, be sure to get the drug’s name off Lee once this is all over. Seeing as you two are together and all, I'm sure she'll be accommodating,” Oswald snarled, unable to prevent the bitterness seeping into his tone.

“So, this _is_ Lee. Well, that's nice to know.” Ed didn't appear too concerned about the fact, or even surprised. “And we're not _really_ together. Or, at least, Lee thinks I love her, but I'm just playing along until I find out what she's doing.”

“Are you sure? Because, last time I checked, you were hardly the expert on such things,” Oswald spat. Shit, no, why was he getting so frustrated? He thought he'd accepted Ed's lack of attraction to him months ago. But it seemed like every time Oswald saw him, something inside himself kept calling out, hidden longing rising up to engulf him like a tidal wave. It was frustrating and utterly _exhausting_.

“I gather that I've done something wrong,” Edward ventured, looking up at him with a crease in his brow.

“No, I just-” Oswald sighed. “You know how I hate to be confined.”

“Of course.” Ed nodded. “So… If you know Lee orchestrated this, do you know why we're here? What she wants from us?”

Oswald hesitated. He could tell Ed the truth and they could come up with a plan to trick Lee, separating happily once they were free. But… Oswald didn't want that. He didn't want false smiles and empty words. He didn't want to have to let go again. He thought back to Selina's words:

_C’mon, Pengy, I know you want this._

_You really need him, don't you?_

_We both know why you're here._

“I have absolutely no idea what the plan is. I just hope it's over quickly.” _For more reasons than you know._

“Well, what should we do until then?” Ed asked.

“We wait.” Oswald told him sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Several moments passed in silence, Oswald wriggling around as he tried to comfortably recline against the radiator, Ed occupying himself by staring at the door.

“Yup,” Ed broke the silence with a popping P. “I'm bored.”

“Seriously? It's been less than ten minutes!” Oswald grouched.

“What does that matter? Come on, Oswald, let's have some fun!” 

“I've had quite enough fun, thank you.” Oswald scowled at his feet. Ed seemed to ignore him.

“I know! Let's sing! I haven't heard you sing in… in too long, Oswald,” Ed told him. Oswald raised an eyebrow at the blunder before sighing despondently.

“Fine. But I'm out of practice and I don't know many songs anyway,” Oswald warned.

Ed shrugged. “Just sing what you know,” he suggested.

Oswald sighed, nodding as he racked his brain for an appropriate song. He was inexplicably drawn to a song he must have heard on the radio at some point because, for the life of him, he couldn't remember the singer or even the song’s name.

“Okay, I have one. But I only know the chorus, and I doubt you've ever heard it anyway,” Oswald cautioned.

“Go ahead,” Edward prompted, still.

“Okay,” Oswald agreed hesitantly, clearing his throat. He started to hum the intro since he didn't know the words, getting himself into the swing of things. Then, he began to sing, eyes trained on Ed's shifting expression as he did so.

_“He's fierce in my dreams, seizing my guts. He floats me with dread. Soaked in soul, he swims in my eyes by the bed. Pour myself over him, moon spilling in. And I wake up-”_

“I think, perhaps, that's enough singing,” Ed cut him off, voice harsh and words jumbled. Oswald had watched throughout the song as Ed’s expression had grown increasingly distraught and couldn't help feeling a little lost, liked he’d missed something.

Had Ed somehow gleaned the fact that Oswald had been singing about him? He hadn't exactly been subtle. Was Ed so disgusted by him that he'd cut him off like that?

“I- I'm sorry, Ed. I didn't mean to come on-” he began.

“How did you know that song?” Ed growled, burying his face in his knees. “I never told _anybody._ You- couldn't possibly-” Ed shook his head, cutting off his torrent of words.

“What do you mean?” Oswald asked. Unable to put a hand on Ed's shoulder, he simply leant against him. “Ed, whatever it is, you can tell me. Trust goes both ways, remember?”

Edward laughed, the thing sounding hollow and broken in the dust-filled air. “I'm sorry, Oswald, but it's- I just _can't_.”

“I understand,” Oswald assured him gently, his concern for Ed's wellbeing winning out over his curiosity. The room divulged into silence more, Oswald taking the opportunity to examine Edward while he went back to staring at the door.

“You have bags under your eyes. Are you sleeping?” Oswald asked worriedly. He'd known for a while that Ed had trouble sleeping, the bed in his old apartment more there for appearance than utility.

“Oswald, do we _really_ need to go into this?” Ed asked, glowering at him.

“But- I just-” Oswald tried indignantly.

“I promise you, I'm fine. Now, drop it,” Ed told him, his cold tone edged with something dangerous. As much as Oswald wanted to lean into that addicting part of him, draw it out and nourish it, he knew it was best that he leave Ed alone.

“Okay, okay,” he placated. “How about… how about you tell me a riddle?”

Edward perked up instantly. “Really?”

“Yes.” Oswald nodded agreeably. “But only one.”

Edward’s smile was bright enough to light Gotham’s skies for centuries. “I turn around once. What is out will not get in. I turn around again. What is in will not get out. What am I?”

“Um…” Oswald wracked his brain, searching for something that would make perfect sense. Ed hissed a laugh, eyes brightly lit as he shook his head. “Shut up! I’m _thinking_.” Ed just grinned.

Oswald huffed, trying to concentrate. _I turn around once. What is out will not get in. I turn around again. What is in will not get out. What am I?_

Perhaps… Perhaps…

“A key?” Oswald tried, hoping to God he wasn’t wrong.

“Yes!” Ed looked like he would have clapped if he could. “Now, what do you call a cat wi-”

“I said _one_ , Ed,” Oswald reprimanded sternly, pleased when Ed sighed but didn’t continue. They settled back into silence, Oswald’s gaze not wavering from Ed’s face. Had he seen the truth yet? How could he not? Oswald felt like it was scrawled over his body like a tattoo, repeating again and again, _I love you, I love you, I love you._

“Tell me- tell me about The Riddle Factory,” Oswald asked, clearing his throat and shoving down the persistent wave of emotions.

“Well, it has certainly been a fantastic opportunity to experiment in the increasingly creative art of torture,” Ed punctuated, his manic smile returning.

“Creative?” Oswald questioned.

“How does pulling someone’s fingernails off with rusty spoon sound?” Ed asked excitedly. “Or stapling a barracuda to their forehead?”

Oswald paused, licking his lips to keep them from twitching. “That certainly is… Creative.”

“I have a bunch of others!” Ed exclaimed. “A rabid sack of rats! Pop goes the kneecaps! Angry Alley-Cat got your tongue! You’re on fire!”

“Wow, that’s… that’s something,” Oswald mused, raising his eyebrows in what he hoped was a thoroughly impressed expression, doubting his amusement would be appreciated.

“See, I’ve come a long way since the days of Mr Leonard,” Ed told him smugly. Oswald felt his chest tighten at that. It had been such a long time since that day. The two of them had rebirthed themselves as they slid Ed’s pocket knife through flesh, the errant splatters of blood showering them like confetti. It had been glorious to let their demons run free.

A lot had changed since then.

“Do you remember-” Oswald began before clearing his throat. “Do you remember the day we dined at Castello’s? And that young man, the waiter-”

“He had the nerve to challenge you,” Ed spat. “Called you quite the string of inaccurate names.”

“And so we took him home,” Oswald continued the story. “Allowed him to get acquainted with our freezer.”

“Yes,” Ed drawled. “It’s a wonder Olga wasn’t traumatized by his screams.”

“Oh,” Oswald scoffed. “Olga would _never_. She was made of much sterner stuff than that.”

Ed chuckled, shaking his head down at his lap.

“What?” Oswald prompted. Ed just continued to laugh. “ _What?_ ”

“Oh it’s just-” Ed huffed, giggles still escaping him. “This is really nice. Out of all the people in the world, I’m trapped here with _you_ and I’m actually enjoying myself.”

“Yeah?” Oswald asked, unable to contain his own bubble of laughter as Ed nodded, giggles verging on hysterical. With time, the laughter died, leaving them silent, the air tingling with a mix of tense anticipation and unspoken words until, finally, Ed began to talk.

“Why did we do it, Oswald?” It’s quiet, whisper-like, the ruffling of an owl’s feathers in the dead of night or the slight scrape of twigs in the wind.

“Do what?” Oswald swallowed the lump in his throat. This was what he was here for, he knew that, but he didn’t feel ready for that all-knowing gaze, that chocolate-y voice carving words into his heart.

“Why did we ruin this? We could have ruled Gotham like kings. Run it like a machine. And yet…” Ed turned to him, his eyes sad and imploring.

“I... I did it because I was foolish, arrogant and selfish. I couldn’t share you, even though you weren’t technically mine. I couldn’t admit that you’d be happier without me. And you-” Oswald swallowed again, his eyes prickling. “You did it because I deserved it. Most of it, anyway.”

“No. No, Oswald, you don’t-” Ed sighed, pushing his glasses further up his nose with his knee. “I wasn’t happier without you. I’m still… It’s just... when I’m with you, my burdens seem to fall away and- and I have the _potential_ for more. I couldn’t have- I just-” Ed groaned, knocking his head back against the radiator which surely would have hurt.

“Um, Ed, please don’t hurt yourself. Why- why don’t you take a nap while I keep watch?” Oswald suggested wanting more than anything to divert them from this conversation.

“Okay,” Ed mumbled, shifting around until he seemed comfortable against the radiator. “It’s kinda cold.”

Oswald chewed on his lip, hesitating a moment before strengthening his resolve. “Come here.” He held out his arm, gesturing for Ed to tuck himself against Oswald’s shoulder.

“Okay,” Ed murmured again, settling closely with his head on Oswald’s chest. Oswald tried desperately to keep his breathing slow and measured to keep from disturbing Ed as his eyes slowly drooped closed and he went lax against him. Oswald continued watching him steadfastly, taking in his fluttering eyelashes and little sighs.

He almost wished they could stay there forever, locked away, shielded from the world, only each other for company. Perhaps things would actually work out between them, and Oswald could fix all the broken glass he shattered and turn it back into something beautiful.

Edward slept for a long time, long enough that Oswald himself began to grow weary, eventually resting his head atop of Ed’s and closing his eyes.

♦ ♦ ♦

“Oswald? Oswald, I think you should wake up.”

Oswald was drawn to the surface by Ed’s gentle call, eyes slowly opening in the now dim light of the evening.

“Oh. How long was I asleep?” Oswald asked, a little stunned. He hadn’t expected to sleep so soundly, not on the hard, wooden surface, upright, with his leg out like it was. And yet, the comfort of Ed sleeping against him seemed to have dragged him so easily into oblivion.

“Well, that depends entirely on when you fell asleep but I woke up half an hour or so ago, so for me it’s been about six hours.” Ed answered, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Really?” Oswald asked, genuinely surprised.

“I know. I haven’t slept that long in a while. Perhaps there was a side-effect of the drug?” Ed mused.

“Maybe,” Oswald agreed hesitantly. Ed probably didn’t know that Oswald hadn’t been drugged, and revealing that might welcome questions he’d really rather not answer.

“There’s food if you want it.” Ed gestured to an untouched tray by his feet.

“Aren’t you hungry?” He asked, confused why Ed hadn’t eaten anything yet.

“Oh I am, that’s why I woke you up. I got tired of waiting. I woke up when the woman brought the food in.” Ed explained. Ed had been _waiting_ for him? That was… nice.

“Did you recognise her?” Oswald prodded.

“No. But she did release one of my hands.” Ed waved his hand happily. Oswald hadn’t even noticed he’d been using it.

“She didn’t untie either of mine,” Oswald noted, a little disgruntled as he twisted his still zip-tied wrists.

“Ah, yes,” Ed smiled sheepishly. “She said that one hand between the two of us would be enough and that I would have to… Have to _feed_ you.”

“Oh.” Oswald felt heat rush to his cheeks and desperately hoped that the low lighting would disguise the colour in them. “Right.” He looked down at the food. Most of it would be pretty easy to eat, at least he _hoped_.

“I know you don’t like bananas, so why don’t you eat both the carrots?” Ed offered, already reaching for one.

“You should eat first, Edward.” Oswald told him. “I’m clearly not as hungry as you.”

“Nonsense.” Ed held the carrot to Oswald’s lips. Oswald tried and failed to hold back a snort. “What?”

“Sorry, it’s just, I feel like I’m a horse and you’re my trainer,” Oswald laughed.

“Just eat the carrot, Os,” Ed growled, pressing it to Oswald’s lips more insistently.

“Fine,” Oswald agreed, already deciding he was going to have a little fun with this. Mirth still swimming in him, he pushed his mouth down onto the carrot, continuing until his lips were brushing Ed’s hand and the tip was brushing his throat. Ed’s eyes went comically wide, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed before his expression turned dark.

“That’s not how you eat carrots, Oswald,” Ed growled, sending Oswald into a choking fit as he tried to laugh. “Now, look what you’ve done.” Ed wrinkled his nose as he pulled the spit-slick carrot back out of Oswald’s mouth.

“I’m sorry… but.. your _face_ ,” Oswald said between giggles. “Come on, I’ll eat it properly this time.”

“Really? Because if you do that again, I’ll eat this entire plate myself and you won’t get a scrap,” Ed threatened, his eyes twinkling in a way that let Oswald know he wasn’t truly mad.

“Don’t worry, I promise,” Oswald agreed, opening his mouth for further confirmation.

“Okay…” Ed narrowed his eyes suspiciously but still guided the carrot between his lips. Oswald snapped bites off one by one, happily chewing and swallowing before opening his mouth for more.

“This is really weird,” he commented, spraying carrot as he spoke. Ed just shrugged. “The last person who fed me like this was my mother, and I was a child.”

“You remember being fed?” Ed asked curiously.

“Ah, well,” Oswald’s gaze dropped. “My mother and I didn’t tend to bother with… boundaries. We only ever really had each other. Political correctness and rules didn’t really seem to apply to us.”

“I understand,” Ed told him softly, picking up the second carrot and pressing it against Oswald’s lips once more. “It’s unfortunate that you didn’t have… friends, but… your mother was a wonderful woman for trying to make up for it. And you were a wonderful son for doing the same.”

“Thank you,” Oswald whispered, the tears clogging his throat not allowing his voice to go any louder. “I… I sometimes wonder if I truly deserved her. She did so much for me and I… I…” Oswald sniffed, hating the fact that, with his hands tied behind his back, he could do nothing to stop the trickling flow of tears down his cheeks.

“I think you did more for her than you give yourself credit for.” Ed whispered, his now empty hand coming up to cup Oswald’s cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumb. “You brought that woman enough joy to raise a mountain. In a city like _Gotham_ , of all places.”

Oswald laughed shakily, nodding against the soft skin of Ed’s palm. “I- I hate to think that there are times I forget her.”

“Better by far you should forget and smile, than that you should remember and be sad.” Ed whispered.

“I didn’t know you read poetry,” Oswald laughed quietly, sniffing.

“You’re really surprised? You know my love for language and words. I thought it would be obvious.” Ed smiled. “Remember by Christina Rossetti. A classic.”

They continued smiling at one another, drinking each other in, the silence comforting like a warm blanket.

“Do- do you want me to keep feeding you?” Ed asked softly.

“Okay,” Oswald breathed. Ed fed him one of the slices of buttered bread before, prompted by Ed’s loudly rumbling stomach, Oswald demanded he fed himself. It took his stomach rumbling twice more before Ed finally agreed.

“So,” Ed began, chewing on his own slice of bread. “How’s business going? Have you retrieved The Iceberg yet?”

“No, I’ve been otherwise engaged,” Oswald wrinkled his nose in distaste, partly from his next words and partly because Ed had moved onto a banana and the smell was _atrocious._ “Jerome and his band of the mentally insane have decided to welcome me into their little _‘club’_.”

“Welcome you?” Ed prompted, taking a bite of the offending fruit.

“Well, Jerome’s forced me, if that’s what you mean,” Oswald grumbled, sniffing disdainfully.

“ _Really_? Mr Jerome Valeska has actually persuaded The Penguin, Oswald Cobblepot himself, to do something against his will? Remarkable!” Ed laughed as Oswald scowled at him. “Perhaps I should give him a call. Ask him what his secret is.”

“Oh, please, Ed. We both know you wouldn’t have to try too hard in order to convince me to do anything,” Oswald’s words left his mouth unthinkingly, his jaw snapping shut as he realized the misstep he’d made. The tension that had suddenly swamped the room was palpable, drowning out all thought as Oswald stared at Ed’s banana and Ed stared at him.

“Still?” The question was quiet, yet deadly and Oswald felt like he was choking as he tried desperately to shuffle backwards, away from the situation.

“I don’t want to talk about this, Ed,” he told him sternly.

“Well, you’re going to!” Ed yelled with a sudden violence, too loud in the nearly silent room. “You can’t keep avoiding-”

“Oh, like how you avoided telling me about your sleep? About the _song?_ ” Oswald reminded him, a mix of satisfaction and regret overcoming him as Ed flinched. “I’m not saying shit until you do Ed. And we both know you won’t, so I guess you’re just going to have to forget about it.” Silence prevailed once more, and Oswald let Ed stew in it. “And, for the record, the only reason I do anything for Jerome is because he’s a homicidal maniac with one of the most chaotic minds I’ve ever seen, and he scares the shit out of me.”

Ed didn’t say anything, just stared at his one hand lying in his lap like he didn’t know what to do with it. It seemed like he had discarded his banana. Oswald leaned back, resting his head on the radiator with a thump. They needed to get out of here. Fuck Lee with her plan, and fuck Selina with her ‘best intentions’, they all knew it wouldn’t work, why bother staying locked up in this hellhole any longer?

“Ed, do you think you might be able to work yourself out of the other zip-tie? That way we can search for something to pick the lock and-”

“There’s no keyhole, Oswald. It’s probably got a code to open it.” Ed told him.

“Great. That’s just… _great_.” Oswald hissed, eyes cast up at the ceiling.

“You look different from last time I saw you,” Ed noted. “You’ve changed your hair.”

“Oh, yes, well,” Oswald felt his cheeks grow warm. “It’s always nice to change it up.”

“I like it. Purple suits you,” Ed told him.

_I’m partial to the purple._

“...Thanks,” Oswald replied unsurely, hoping this meant they could move on from their… spat. “You know, it would still be helpful if you could get your other hand free. That way, you could wait for another guard to come in and then-”

“Yeah, sorry, Oswald, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Ed winced. Oswald twisted around in order to see Ed’s other wrist, his eyebrows shooting up as he realized how tightly he was secured.

“Did they- did they give you any utensils? Maybe you could try-”

“Don’t you think that if they did, I would have tried that already?” Ed hissed.

“Okay, okay,” Oswald conceded gently. He looked around the dusty room for a moment. “How about you tell me another riddle?”

“Hmm.” Slowly, Ed smiled. “Okay. Try this: With no wings, I fly. With no eyes, I see. With no arms, I climb. More frightening than any beast, stronger than any foe. I am cunning, ruthless, and tall; in the end, I rule all. What am I?”

Oswald blinked. “Yeah, no, I can’t answer that.”

Edward just grinned. “Imagination.” Oswald nodded to show he understood. “For example, imagine that it’s the 24th of October, two years ago.” Oswald swallowed, immediately not liking where this was going. “Imagine I’m not late for dinner, trying forever to find the best wine, and simply pick the first one I see off the shelf and come home.” Oswald’s breathing had become laboured. Ed couldn’t do this to him, it wasn’t fair, Oswald hadn’t asked for this. “Imagine I sit down to dinner and smile at you, right on time.” Edward leaned in, his eyes deadly serious. “What do you say?”

“I- I… you _can’t_ , Ed. Please, just-”

“What do you _say_ , Oswald?” Ed asked, the command clear, brokering no argument.

Oswald swallowed, his eyes slowly rising and meeting Ed’s, blurred as they were from the tears in Oswald’s eyes. He used to believe that one day he’d run out of tears. That one day he’d cry so hard that he wouldn’t ever have to do it again. But there he was, thirty-three and still drowning in salt water.

“Does it need saying?” He asked, his voice cracked and broken as Oswald desperately tried to choke down the despair rising up his throat like bile.

“ _Yes_ ,” Ed hissed. “Yes, it _does_ need saying. I can never be stolen from you, yet I am owned by everyone. What am I?”

“I- I don’t-”

“ _Knowledge_. I have to know, Oswald!” Ed demanded.

“This isn’t another of your riddles to solve, _Ed_ ,” Oswald spat. "Do I really have to spell out what we both know?” Oswal closed his eyes in dismay as he felt a tear escape, dribbling down his cheek to plop quietly on the floor. _“Do you really despise me so much that you’ll have me say it again?”_

“Despise you?” Ed questioned, his incredulous tone causing Oswald’s eyes to flutter open. “I don’t _despise_ you, Oswald. Would I really have let Sophia continue torturing me if I _despised_ you?”

“I- I-” Oswald floundered.

“You are _exceptionally_ blind, Oswald,” Ed spat, shaking his head. Oswald glared at him.

“If I’m so blind, _why_ did you leave? You could have just stayed at the manor! I _wanted_ you to stay!” Oswald shouted, his bound hands clenching into fists.

“I left because I’m not your chief of staff who follows you around anymore. I left because I wanted to pursue my own idea, I wanted to have fun _my_ way,” Ed snapped. “That didn’t mean I wouldn’t come back.”

“But-”

“Dammit, Oswald. I _left_ you, I didn’t stop _loving_ you.” Ed yelled. Oswald gasped. He didn’t know which was more shocking, the fact that Ed had told him he loved him, or the fact he’d almost swore. No, wait, it was definitely the love thing.

“You- you _love_ me?” He breathed, not comprehending the words.

“Yes.” Ed told him, his voice suddenly quiet after all the shouting. “Do you love me?”

Oswald gulped. “I do.”

“Good.” Ed smiled, dazzling and bright, making Oswald’s insides flutter. “That’s good.” Oswald had no idea where to go from here. They just stayed like that, staring at each other and smiling.

“Oswald,” Ed croaked, breaking the silence. “Could I… Could I kiss you.”

“Yes,” Oswald gasped, his eyes widening as Ed shifted, cupping Oswald’s face with his free hand, tilting his chin up. Slowly, he closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together gently. Oswald’s heart raced in his chest, his breathing stuttering through his nose as he kept his eyes on the too-close-to-focus image of Ed’s face. Slowly, Ed pulled back, smiling sheepishly.

“Okay?” he prompted. Oswald nodded, his throat too choked to produce actual words. “Good.” Ed leant in again, pressing their lips together and angling their heads a little. Oswald stayed perfectly still, having absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do. To his astonishment, he felt something warm and wet swipe across his bottom lip. Oswald’s lips parted in his surprise, allowing Ed to take his bottom lip between his teeth and tug.

“Oh!” Oswald gasped, leaning in for more. Edward sucked gently at Oswald’s lip before releasing it. Hesitantly, Oswald tried taking Ed’s bottom lip between his own, prodding it gently with his tongue, admiring the plush texture. Then, copying Ed’s earlier movements, he gave it a little nibble. His eyes snapped open, (he had no idea when they’d closed) the sound of Ed groaning startling him. Ed drew back for a breath before pushing forward again, Oswald shivering as he felt Ed’s tongue swipe at the seam of his mouth. Slowly, he allowed Ed entry, easily enchanted by the soft texture as Ed’s tongue dipped inside. His jaw opened further to allow Ed to continue, an embarrassing noise escaping him as he felt Ed’s tongue brush against his palate.

Edward’s tongue then moved to slide against his own, his chest rumbling in satisfaction. Oswald wished he wasn’t tied up, he desperately wanted to reach out and touch, drag his hands down Ed’s chest like he’d imagined a million times before. 

Ed slowly pulled back, pressing shorter, sweeter kisses to Oswald’s lips before moving away altogether.

“You have no idea how good you taste,” he panted, chest visibly heaving.

“Yeah, well you tasted like banana, so..” Oswald wrinkled his nose. Ed laughed, poking his shoulder good-naturedly. “If I promise never to eat a banana again, will you keep kissing me?”

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” Oswald teased, grinning when Ed went back in for another delirious kiss. Oswald moaned against him, pressing his chest as close to the other man’s as he could, his desire apparent.

“As soon as we get out of here, I’m taking you to bed,” Ed told him firmly, their lips brushing before they returned to their heated kiss.

“Lucky we won’t have to wait much longer,” Oswald mumbled against him.

“What?” Ed asked, drawing back a bit in his confusion, making Oswald whine. “Oswald, what aren’t you telling me? Do you know something.

“Um…” Ed raised an eyebrow.

 _Well, shit_.

“Look, the thing is… The reason we’re here is…” Oswald sighed, averting his gaze from Ed’s earnest expression. “This was all a plan set up by Lee Thompkins and Selina Kyle in order to get us together.”

“ _What!?_ ”

“I know, I know,” Oswald rolled his eyes. “Those two will surely be the death of us.”

“How do you know all this?” Ed asked disbelievingly.

“I… may have worked out that they were the ones behind your kidnapping.” Oswald admitted.

“What?” Looked like Ed had a new favourite word.

“It also explains why I found photos on my desk of you two kissing.” Oswald mused.

“Oh,” Ed blanched. “Sorry.”

“Hardly your fault,” Oswald supposed. “Besides, if you meant what you said about playing along just to see what she was up to, then I guess it was fake on both sides.”

“It’s not like you to be this reasonable,” Ed told him.

“Perhaps you’ve made me a changed man, Mr Nygma,” Oswald joked, chuckling.

“I hope not.” Ed informed him. “I’m quite partial to the original.”

“Oh, please.” Oswald waved him off, trying to stifle the blush he felt creeping up his neck.

“Please what?” Ed queried. “Please kiss me again Edward? Okay!”

Oswald laughed as Ed leant in.

“Ew, _gross_ ,” Both Oswald’s and Ed’s heads snapped around, eyes widening as they saw Selina Kyle standing in the doorway, arms crossed disapprovingly. Beside her was Lee Thompkins, an amused smirk curling her lips.

“Hello boys,” she greeted smugly. “We came to let you out, but we’ll happily leave you to it if you want.” Oswald scowled at her, twisting his bonds uncomfortably before his eyes caught the glint off something shiny in Cat’s hand.

“Oh good, a knife!” He exclaimed. “Quick, cut us free so I can _ravish_ this man.” Ed giggled.

“How about I cut you free if you promise to _not_ do that,” Selina suggested, pulling a face.

“Well, if you insist.” Ed batted his eyelashes up at her innocently, making Oswald snigger. Warily, Selina stepped into the room, going over to the radiator and cutting them free.

“We’ll get you a car to take you back home,” Lee informed them.

“I have my own car, with a driver, thank you very much,” Oswald grouched. “And, if you would be kind enough to hand me back my phone, I’ll call him.”

“Whatever,” Selina droned, reaching into her pocket for the phone and handing it to him. “You’re lucky I didn’t get a chance to pawn it.”

“Yes, how _kind_ of you,” Oswald drawled icily. “Now, if you would please excuse us, we must be going.” Oswald tried and failed to get up, sighing and rolling his eyes when Ed offered his arm, but taking it nonetheless.

“Here.” Lee smirked, handing him his cane.

“Thank you,” Oswald bit, snatching it from her.

“Have fun!” She called after them.

“Will do!” Ed chirped back before Oswald slapped his ass and told him to be quiet.

♦ ♦ ♦

When they eventually got home, Oswald did, finally, ravish him.

Twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I hope you enjoyed it. This was kinda inspired by that play I did where I was trapped in an elevator with my GF and her daughter who happened to be my best friend and ex-love. Sounds complicated? You are correct. Anyway, the epilogue will be up as soon as it's written, so get ready!


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last! Thank you so much for all the support you guys have given me during this fic. I have enjoyed writing this so immensely! I'll admit, I didn't think it would be as long as this, but I'm super pleased with the result! I hope you enjoy reading this epilogue, it's super domestic and fluffy because y'all know I like that shit ;)

**Edward:**

Ed awoke with a gasp. He’d had the _strangest_ dream, where he’d been tugged to the bottom of the ocean by a giant octopus, its impossibly long tentacles wrapping around him tighter and tighter until he’d broken himself from the dream with a gasp. His eyes slowly flitting open under the stream of light entering his room, Ed allowed himself to look around. He vaguely recognised the room but, frighteningly, he quickly determined it was not his own. As concerning as that revelation was, something about the almost archaic decor sent a frisson of comfort through him, keeping him lying there rather than jumping from the bed, screaming. To be fair, Ed should have been used to waking up in foreign locations by now.

He was broken from his thoughts by a low hum and the feeling of something tightening around his waist. Were those… tentacles? Was he still dreaming?

He glanced down, breathing a sigh of relief when he was that they were just arms.

Wait, _what?_

Edward twisted sharply in the arms’ grip, ignoring the grumble it produced from the warm body pressed against him. His eyes widened, mouth opening unconsciously as he realized who his bedfellow (and personal octopus) was; none other than Oswald Cobblepot.

Suddenly, the previous day’s memories returned to him in a rush, the kidnapping, being trapped together, the love confessions, being set free, Oswald bringing him home, making love to him slowly, thoroughly. Ed’s cheeks flushed as he remembered it. It had been _amazing_.

Both times.

Ed brought his hand up to cup Oswald’s cheek, swiping his thumb back and forth across it, marvelling at the scattering of freckles there, reminiscent of stardust. Oswald mumbled something Ed could catch, simultaneously nuzzling his face into Ed’s palm while trying to burrow further into the covers. Ed let out a tiny huff of laughter, pure joy bubbling within him at the easy sweetness of it. They were peaceful and happy. Ed could get drunk on this level of happiness. He giggled again, a little louder.

“It’s not funny,” Oswald murmured, just loud enough for Ed to hear.

“I never said it was,” Ed claimed quietly, his chest still shaking with his suppressed laughter as he watched Oswald pull a face, nose scrunching.

“You’re a bad liar,” he grumbled. “Nice to see things don’t change.”

“Hey!” Ed dug a hand under the covers to poke Oswald’s tummy. “I’m an extremely competent liar, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, sure,” Oswald mumbled, his lips twitching noticeably as Ed regarded him.

“Shut up,” Ed retaliated, poking him again. Oswald burst into a fit of giggles, his eyes scrunching up as he tipped his head back. Ed smiled helplessly. He was _gorgeous_. “I mean it, Ozzie!” Oswald continued to laugh, so Ed was forced to do the one thing he could do in this situation; slip his hand beneath Oswald’s pyjama shirt and tickle him.

“No! _Ed_ , stop!” Oswald screeched, writhing against him deliciously. Ed continued to tickle his sides, grinning as Oswald bucked, trying to push him away. “I’m serious, Ed!”

“Oh, I bet you are,” Ed drawled, rolling so he was on top of Oswald before continuing his ministrations.

“Your hands are _cold_ ,” Oswald squealed, twisting beneath him. “Please! Please, Ed!”

“Okay,” Ed murmured, soft and sweet, pressing a cheeky kiss to Oswald’s hair when he managed to hold still enough for him. “But you have to promise you’ll make it worth my while.”

“I promise! I promise!” Oswald gasped, Ed smirking as Oswald’s chest brushed his own with each panting breath.

“Kiss me,” he demanded, leaning down to give Oswald access.

“Okay.” Their lips met, Oswald’s addictive taste drawing him in, Ed’s tongue escaping to follow it into Oswald’s mouth. Ed delighted in the little whine that escaped Oswald. He wanted Oswald to make those little noises for him _forever_. The thought scared him a little, especially considering how precarious their relationship had been of late. But still…

“I love you,” Ed murmured against Oswald’s lips, drawing back a little to meet his eye.

“I love you too,” Oswald whispered, his cheeks noticeably reddened and his breaths quickened. Ed shifted one of his hands from Oswald's chest to the nape of his neck, subtly shifting his thumb to take Oswald’s pulse. It was thrumming, hard and fast. 

“Do you think…” Ed swallowed. He often struggled with these things. It was difficult for him to articulate his… feelings. Luckily, Oswald is one of the few people who’ve made it easier. “Would it be okay if I… stayed?”

“Of course! You can stay as long as you want, Ed, you know that!” Oswald told him, smiling encouragingly.

“No. No- I meant-” Ed stopped, licking his lips as he tried to find the words. “I- I still want to continue to… to find my way in Gotham. But I want to- when I come back home, I want it to be here, with you. I don’t want to have to leave again.”

“Really?” Oswald asked, his eyes shining with something Ed struggled to place.

“Yes,” Edward confirmed.

“Then, yes. This- this will be your home.” Oswald smiled, the shine turning watery, tears swimming in his eyes.

“You too,” Ed insisted, wanting Oswald to understand perfectly. “I want you to be my home too. God knows the most important thing in this house is you.”

“I’ll have you know that my almost-son is residing in one these rooms,” Oswald scorned playfully, raising an eyebrow. “But I understand what you’re trying to say.”

“Well, for the record, I’m quite fond of Martin, too,” Ed sighed happily, turning so he was draped over Oswald’s front, his head nestled into the crook of his shoulder.

“God knows that boy loves you as well. He calls you the ice-cream-man,” Oswald huffed.

“Oh.” Ed’s nose wrinkled distastefully.

“Let me guess, you prefer _‘The Riddler’_?” Oswald asked mockingly, the air quotes audible.

“Yes,” Ed confirmed, unconcerned by Oswald’s taunting. “But I’ll make an exception for Martin just this once.”

“Lucky.” Ed glanced up to see Oswald’s pout. “You never gave me that option! I would have liked to call you the ice-cream-man!”

“Aww, shut up, you insufferable fool,” Ed joked, nudging the man’s shoulder before settling down once more.

“Don’t go to sleep, Ed,’ Oswald instructed sternly. “I want you to come with me today.”

“Where are we going?” Ed inquired, not bothering to suppress a yawn.

“We’re going to pay a visit to some old friends.”

**Oswald:**

Waking up to a warm, lax Ed Nygma in his bed had felt more like slipping back into a dream rather than breaking into reality. But the truth of it had slowly settled in, certainly encouraged along by Ed’s startling cold hands.

Now, dressed in their respective armour, the green man and the purple umbrella boy, Oswald sat across from Ed in his car, their legs tangled together, Ed’s far longer limbs twisting around Oswald’s shorter ones, both remaining conscious of Oswald’s bad leg. Ed was smiling at him, Oswald returning the gesture happily. They remained silent, but it was comfortable and peaceful.

Oswald had missed their car-rides together, remembering fondly the times they’d shared a car to the city hall during his months as the Mayor. The last time they’d been in a car together had been, regrettably, rather morose, as Oswald had driven them around Gotham, mocking Ed at every turn, his aching bitterness seeping to the surface.

But it wouldn’t do to dwell on such a thing when fate had clearly dealt him a new hand, this one much luckier than the last. He slowly reached out and captured Ed’s hand, allowing the other man to back out, and smiling when he didn’t.

“We’re here, sir,” the gruff voice of his driver announced, loud enough to be heard through the partition.

“Thank you, Miss Stevens. Please wait for us, we won’t be long.” Oswald instructed, opening the door and gesturing to Ed that he should go first.

“‘Course Mr Penguin. Have fun.” She farewelled.

Oswald smiled gratefully as Ed helped him out of the car, retrieving Oswald’s cane for him.

“Thank you.” Oswald smirked. “You really are quite the gentleman, aren’t you?”

“Of course!” Ed confirmed cheekily. “Are you surprised?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t expect anything less!” Oswald assured, clutching his hand to his chest with mock sincerity.

“Ha, ha, Os. We both know you’re as soft as I am,” Ed rolled his eyes.

“I am not!” Oswald insisted, affronted. “You’re soft, Ed. Soft in your head.”

“Whatever you say,” Ed quipped, grinning infuriatingly at Oswald’s annoyance.

“You shouldn’t test me, Ed. Now that we’re together, there are many privileges I can happily withhold from you.”

Ed snorted. “I doubt that very much, but okay.”

“Thank you,” Oswald huffed. “Now come with me, won’t you?”

“Of course.”

♦ ♦ ♦

It was a strange sensation, walking down that particular corridor when it had been only a matter of days before when he’d first visited here, wrought with betrayal, anger and humiliation. It was astonishing how things changed, the world always evolving in a city like Gotham.

Oswald glanced to the side, smiling at the one thing that had changed most of all. Seeing Ed beside him once more felt like a Godsend. Of all the times they’d walked through this city together, it was never in quite this capacity. They’d been strangers, acquaintances, leaping forward to friends and allies. They’d been employer and employee, best friend and true love. Then, they’d been enemies, at each other’s throats, quite literally. Then, allies once more, possibly even friends. And now, at last, they were here: 

Two lovers, walking down a hallway together, hand in hand.

Oswald let out a happy sigh, smiling at Ed as he smiled in return. They made their way to Lee Thompkins’ door, sharing an amused glance before they knocked and entered.

“Well, hello,” Lee greeted, dressed in another black ensemble, sitting at her desk and staring up at them serenely. “It nice to see you’ve finally learnt how to knock. You might, however, consider waiting to be invited in next time.”

“If there is a next time,” Oswald muttered, pleased with Ed’s answering smirk.

“Yes, hello, Lee,” Oswald acknowledged her with a nod before looking around her office. “Oh? No Miss Kyle? What a shame!”

“She’s busy, I haven’t seen her since last night.” Lee eyed the two of them, her gaze suspicious. “Why are you here?”

“Why, to give you your reward, of course!” Oswald announced, pasting on a flashy smile.

“A reward?” Lee repeated doubtfully, the suspicion her eyes seeming to battle against a flash of greed.

“As I said, no need for repetitions now,” Oswald mock-scolded.

“I- I _told_ Selina it would work. I knew you’d be pleased with the end result!” Lee smiled triumphantly.

“Oh, you misinterpret me, my dear,” Oswald shook his head sorrowfully. “No, you getting me and darling Ed here together was you repaying us after your first two botched attempts at manipulating us. No, we’re here on another matter entirely.”

“You have to give us your word that you won’t tell others of Oswald’s and my new… relationship,” Ed explained bluntly.

“My _word?_ ” Lee raised an eyebrow incredulously.

“Oh, believe me, I was all set to have you killed, but Ed is still quite fond of you so this is the best I could do,” Oswald replied sadly, sneering back at Ed when he scowled at him.

“Why don’t you want people to know?” Lee questioned, looking between them bemusedly.

“Because,” Oswald hissed, annoyed at how he had to endlessly explain himself to this woman. “We both have our respective roles in this city. Oswald Cobblepot: The Penguin, criminal kingpin, halfway out of the dark, working in plain sight. And Edward Nygma: The Riddler, well-known terrorist, increasingly intelligent schemer, on the GCPD’s top ten most wanted.” Oswald sighed sadly. “We are our own people, it simply wouldn’t do for our affiliation to be known! The number of people in this city who would use it against us? No, no, I can’t allow my Eddie to come to any more harm.” They glanced at each other affectionately.

“So what are you offering?” Lee asked, rudely interrupting their moment.

“Excuse me?” Oswald glared.

“What are you offering? So I’ll keep quiet?” Lee reiterated.

_The nerve-_

“How about an investment sum?” Ed proposed. “We’ll give you enough money to kickstart one of your little projects. A proper clinic maybe, or a school? You decide.”

“That’ll do nicely,” Lee grinned.

Ed turned to him expectantly.

 _Really,_ Oswald griped internally, _the lengths I go to…_

**Selina:**

(Five months later:)

“Heya, Pengy. What’s up?” Selina greeted, plopping herself in front of him at his usual table at The Iceberg Lounge. Penguin had really spruced up the place since she’d last been there, the fancy clientele pouring in like drain water.

“Yes, hello, Miss Kyle,” Oswald greeted, seeming distracted for some reason. Cat rolled her eyes. Why did Penguin always insist on calling her that?

“How many times have I told you; call me literally _anything_ else.” Cat sniped.

“Whatever you say, whiskers,” Oswald quipped, eyes filling with mirth as Selina scowled at him.

“Shut up!” She snapped. “Just tell me why I had to drag my ass down into this hell hole.”

“Excuse me,” Oswald fumed, irritable as ever, it seemed. “I'll have you know that this lounge is the most well known, most frequented, and most esteemed in all of Gotham.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Selina groaned, rolling her eyes. “Just cut to the chase already.

“Fine,” Oswald hissed, a little more on edge than she’d first thought, apparently. Selina raised her eyebrows as Oswald lifted his drink, some kind of hard liquor probably, to his lips, swallowing down almost two-thirds of it before her eyes.

“Wow, Ozzie, that's a lotta-”

“I need you two follow Edward for me,” Oswald rambled, his quick words and sharp tone cutting her off.

“Okay…” Selina trailed off, slightly alarmed.

“He's been up to something, and he won't tell me about it,” Oswald explained, taking another shaky sip from his glass.

“Are you sure he's not just… plannin’ another heist or somethin’?” Cat ventured.

“No, no this is different.” Oswald turned to her, something deep and sombre in his eyes, making Selina swallow thickly. “I- I'm afraid I might… I might _lose_ him.”

Oh, _hell_ no. Selina was not gonna let Penguin's heart get broken by a stupid boy in a tacky, sparkly green suit.

“I'm on it,” she assured him. “You don't have to worry ‘bout a thing.”

♦ ♦ ♦

“Nygma,” Selina drawled, announcing her presence and watching smugly as Riddler whipped around, startled.

“Oh. Cat. Why are you here?” He asked, looking her up and down accusingly.

“What? No hello?” Selina pouted.

“I’m not going to ask twice, Selina,” Ed stated, eyeing her distrustfully.

“Fine,” Selina sighed. “I was wondering if you needed any help plannin’ a heist or somethin’.”

“What?” Ed questioned.

“Pengy said you’d been busy lately, so I figured I’d come and see what’s up,” Selina explained with a shrug.

“I- I’m not planning a-” He cut himself off, his face shifting between expressions too quickly for Cat to really decipher. “He… He sent you here to spy on me, didn’t he?” He sounded both accusing and proud at the same time.

“Look,” Selina began, raising her hands. “I don’t pretend to know what’s goin’ on between you two, and I don’t really care. But I don’t wanna see him all sad again, so just tell me the truth and it’ll all be over.”

“I’m sorry,” Ed stated blandly, sounding anything _but_ apologetic. “But if I didn’t tell Oswald, why do you think I’d tell-”

“Because out of the two of us, I’m ten times more likely to gut you, aren’t I?” Selina sniffed.

“...Fine,” Edward eventually conceded. “But you can’t breathe a word of it to Oswald.”

“I’ll decide that for myself, thanks very mu-”

“If you’d just _listen_ , you’d understand why.” Edward hissed. He stepped back, seeming to take a moment to compose himself before he spoke, smoothing his hands down his awful green suit. “I’m going to-” he cleared his throat before starting again. “I’m going to ask Oswald to marry me.”

“Shit.” Selina had _not_ been expecting that. She snorted, shaking her head at him. “How are you gonna do that? You could barely tell _me_.”

“I know, I know,” Ed pushed his fingers behind his glasses, rubbing his eyes frustratedly. He looked up at her suddenly, his expression earnest. “You have to help me! You’ve known Oswald for a long time, you can coach me on-”

“Uh, _no_ ,” Selina shook her head firmly. “I think I’ll pass, thanks. Besides, you can work that stuff out on your own; no one knows Penguin better than you do.”

“But I _need_ help.” Ed pleaded.

“...Fine,” Selina finally agreed, rolling her eyes as Ed’s entire face brightened. “But we’re gonna need another set of hands if you really want this to go well.”

“Who did you have in mind?” Ed asked.

Selina just smiled.

**Lee:**

“Of course I will!” Lee agreed excitedly, already rising from her chair. “How far in are you? Have you picked out a ring yet?”

“I- um-”

“No? Good, it’s always best to have someone help you out with that, less of that meddling self-doubt involved. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!” Lee grinned wickedly, glancing between Ed and Selina respectively. “When do we start?”

♦ ♦ ♦

It was only a matter of weeks later when Lee found herself being led quietly up to Penguin’s Manor by an almost-silent Selina Kyle. She followed the girl through a window, walking behind as Cat peered around walls and door-frames to check that the coast was clear. Why were they sneaking around? Only because Edward Nygma, with his arrogance and his ‘privacy’, had forbidden them from attending the big date being held in the mansion’s grand dining room. Would you believe it? After all the hard work she and Selina had been through?

“This way,” Selina murmured, smart enough to know that whispering would only project her voice louder. Lee followed obediently behind, creeping into a dimly lit room and looking around. The furniture was dark and gothic, not that Lee would expect anything less from a man like Oswald Cobblepot.

“Where are we?” Lee murmured, keeping her voice as low as she could manage.

“This is one of the lounges. The dining room is through there.” Selina pointed a finger at a large, dark wood door. “There's a sofa and fireplace and stuff, but if we’re gonna hide, we gotta be careful.”

“Okay,” Lee agreed. She watched as Selina crept forward, pressing her ear to the door before carefully easing it open.

“Coast is clear,” She informed Lee, beckoning for her to hurry. Lee obliged, stepping quickly into the room behind Cat. The room was huge, black and white-tiled with a lit fireplace, a love seat and a sofa.

“Lucky I wore black,” Lee remarked as she situated herself in the shadows behind the sofa, sticking her legs under it to conceal as much of her body as possible.

“Oh, sure, luck had everything to do with it,” Cat snarked, sliding part of her body under the love seat and rolling onto her front. “How much can you see?”

“Enough,” Lee assured her, peeking around the edge of the sofa to see the dining table and its numerous chairs.

“How long do you think we’ll have to wait?” Selina asked.

“Ed said he was planning on starting dinner at seven so it shouldn’t be too long,” Lee answered. They sat in silence, keeping their eyes trained on the various doors.

“So… How’s the leather lifestyle been treatin’ you?” Selina quipped.

“You’re one to talk.” Lee snorted.

The door suddenly opened, bustling footsteps rushing in, and Lee caught a flash of a dark green suit from around the corner of the couch.

“No, no, I don’t need any help,” It was definitely Ed, snapping at some maid, no doubt. “Would you be so kind as to send Martin down here, please.”

Well, at least Edward was following the plan. They’d all agreed that Martin should be part of today, especially considering the fact he was now officially Penguin’s son.

The sound of fast, tottering footsteps echoed as Martin entered the room. Ed gave a soft _oof_ as the child hugged him, Lee smiling as she took the scene in. Ed slowly let him go, beginning to sign something with his hands. Lee wondered when he’d learnt to do that.

Martin nodded furiously, his smile stretching his pink cheeks as he hugged Edward once more. The boy then tottered over to the table, taking a seat happily. Ed chuckled, shaking his head at the boy before his swift-moving legs carried him out of Lee’s view.

Martin was swinging his legs back and forth beneath the table, looking around the large dining room curiously before he stopped still. Lee panicked as she realized Martin’s gaze had locked with hers; she’d been spotted.

“Shh,” she whispered, putting a finger to her lips in emphasis. Martin frowned, looking like he was about to rise from his chair. “No, no, no!” She babbled, gulping nervously. “I’m- I’m a friend,” she huffed. “Or an ally, anyway.”

That seemed to calm the boy, Martin nodding at her once, firmly, like a little soldier, before turning back to the table and walking his fingers across it. Lee sighed in relief. Close-calls and whatnot, she mused.

Ed entered the room again. At least Lee guessed it was him, judging by the long, confident footsteps. The man came into view, setting something down on the table which Lee couldn’t see because he had his back turned to her, but she assumed it would be something to do with the dinner.

Martin’s face lit up as he took in the dish, so she supposed it was a favourite of the household.

Edward continued his back and forth, bringing several dishes in, one at a time. It seemed he was going a bit overboard. Not that Lee was surprised, Ed had a penchant for over-the-top gestures and theatricality. It seemed the bigger the stakes, the more over-zealous he became.

Ed finally came to a stop, if you could call it that when he kept flitting around the table like an anxious butterfly, rearranging things, changing the positions of the dishes, lighting candles, then changing his mind and blowing them out, then lighting them again.

The man looked like he could use a hug.

Martin finally put a stop to the erratic behaviour by poking Ed’s arm and gesturing emphatically at his drawing pad.

“Thanks, Martin. I’m just a bit nervous,” Ed sighed, thankfully coming to a standstill beside Martin’s chair.

The step, drag, step, drag of Oswald’s footsteps announced his presence as he neared the dining room. Lee held her breath in anticipation as Ed stepped forward to meet his partner at the door. Showtime.

There was the soft sound of Oswald’s sigh and lips meeting lips before Ed walked into Lee’s eye-line once more, Oswald in tow this time.

“Oh, Ed, you shouldn’t have!” Oswald exclaimed. Well, Lee was with him on that one.

“Nonsense,” Ed dismissed, leading Oswald into Lee’s line of sight and seating him at the head of the table, pulling the chair out for him, before taking a seat himself. Oswald smiled, looking first to his left at Martin and then to his right at Ed.

“What a pleasant surprise,” he raised a suspicious brow, but his smile was genuine and pleased.

“Uh, I hope you’re hungry,” Ed gestured nervously to the mountains of food.

“Of course I am,” Penguin smiled fondly, rolling his eyes. “And besides, what we don’t eat, we can just drop off to Lee. I’m sure she’ll know what to do with it.” 

Lee smiled, strangely touched at the declaration.

“That’s nice,” Ed remarked, tilting his head.

“Well it’s either that or feed it to Zsasz and his crew, and I don’t believe they need it quite as much,” Oswald reasoned. “So... what shall I try first?”

“Ooh, try the _Rakott Krumpli_ ,” Ed implored, clapping his hands excitedly before reaching for the dish. Oswald’s brow furrowed, apparently as clueless about the dish as Lee was. He seemed to recognise it though when Edward placed it in front of him, spreading his hands in a dramatic flourish.

“Oh, my mother used to make this for me. It’s Hungarian.” Oswald stared at the dish, an unmistakable shine in his eyes.

“I think you’ll find that all the dishes are Hungarian. Accept that one,” Ed pointed to a large stack of what, essentially, appeared to be fish fingers. “Those are a special request from Martin.”

“Look at you, spoiling us,” Oswald joked, winking goodnaturedly. Ed grinned in return.

They dug into their meal with gusto, smiling over their forks and engaging in quiet conversation. Lee tried to ignore the way her stomach rumbled as she inhaled the delicious smells. Her thighs were burning from her positioning on the floor and her back was killing her. She glanced at Selina, seemingly perfectly comfortable despite how cramped her own position was.

Eventually, after Oswald had tried every dish, including the fish fingers under Martin’s insistence, Ed stood, clearing away the plates.

“I’ll just put these away,” he announced, a little jittery. He was sweating a little and his legs moved too quickly as he rushed out of the room.

“So,” Oswald turned to Martin once Ed was gone. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

Martin shook his head vehemently, breaking into a grin when Oswald sighed. God bless that boy for knowing better than to reveal the truth.

“Okay, dessert will be ready in a few minutes so,” Ed announced, rushing back into the room and moving to stand next to Oswald’s chair. _Here they go_. Lee pulled her legs out from under the sofa, not caring if she was seen, knowing she wouldn’t be hiding for much longer.

“Are you going to sit down, Ed?” Oswald asked, caution and worry etching into the lines of his face.

“Um, I- _no_ ,” Ed stuttered, shaking his head like an afterthought. 

“What’s wrong?” Oswald asked, clearly distressed now.

“Nothing’s wrong. In fact, it hasn’t been wrong for a long time,” Ed articulated careful, not quite meeting Oswald’s eye.

“Why’s that, then?” Oswald prompted.

 _C’mon, Ed, you can do this!_ Lee silently pleaded.

“B-because of you.” Ed slowly, and rather awkwardly, got down on his knees, dithering for a moment before deciding which one to rest on.

“Ed… What..? Are you…” Oswald trailed off, his mouth open in disbelief. Lee resisted the urge to snicker.

“Oswald,” Ed swallowed, his hands visibly shaking as he retrieved the ring box and opened it. “Will you marry me?”

Oswald’s jaw dropped even lower, his eyes as wide as saucers as he stared. Martin was leaning over the table curiously, seemingly oblivious to the way his sticky fingers were marking the hardwood table.

“Oswald?” Ed prompted, clearly terrified out of his life. Lee smirked.

“Yes!” Oswald breathed, a tiny, wet trail appearing on his cheek. “Yes, _of course_! Of course, I’ll marry you.”

Ed grinned, rising quickly to sweep Oswald in a long kiss, sliding the ring onto the shorter man’s finger. Martin clapped loudly, clearly as delighted as they were.

“Finally!” Lee got up from behind the sofa, brushing down her clothes. “I thought it would take you two _forever_.”

Ed and Oswald turned to her simultaneously in shock, looking to Selina as well when she stood too.

“Y’all are cute,” Selina offered, smiling smugly.

“Dammit, you two, I told you not to be here,” Ed griped, frowning at them angrily.

“We didn’t listen.” Selina stepped out from the love seat, Lee following her. Walking up to Ed and Oswald. She gave each of them a hug in turn.

“Congratulations!” Le exclaimed.

“Yeah, what she said,” Selina agreed.

“Can we not make _any_ progress in our relationship without you two hiding around the corner?” Oswald grumbled, accepting their hugs reluctantly.

“Probably not,” Lee answered smugly.

“Ooh, does this mean we’re your bridesmaids?” Cat asked.

“Oh, be off with you.” Oswald rolled his eyes, but he smiled anyway.

“Have fun, boys!” Lee said. “You too, Martin. Look after with your dads!”

Martin nodded with solidarity.

“How does a drink sound?” Lee asked Selina as they made their way back through the manor.

“Sounds good to me,” Selina grinned in return.

Lee sighed happily. Their work here was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! That was so much fun to write, honestly. Thank you so much for reading, kudos and/or commenting, I truly appreciate all of it! If you're wondering what else is coming up, I'm working on a couple things right now which will be ready soon enough, and I'm also planning on writing for Riddlebird week in June. Until next time, thank you and goodbye!


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